Learning to Love Again
by dj4life
Summary: ever felt like giving up? like giving into self destruction? feeling so lost that all you want to do is die? everyone deserves a second chance, even you. deals with self mutilation and physical abuse. involves Dwayne and my OC who's loosely based on me.
1. Prologue

**this is a prologue to a story i've been working on since 2001. hopefully i'll be able to post some of it on here without any problems. any way, i'll try to update as fast as i can. enjoy!**

It can be easy to just to run away. Not having to face your problems on a day to day basis or so it seems. Of course if you have as many problems as I do, you can see why that's my only option. I know what you're thinking though. If you run away from your problems, won't they eventually catch up with you? I try not to think of the downside of what I did. When you want the pain to stop, it doesn't matter how you do it. As long as it stops even for a second, that's all that counts. Everything else just gets in the way. That's why I ended up alone in the first place. How I got to where I am now is still a mystery to me. Everything was just a blur. Fate seemed to favor me again. Then I pulled the rug out from underneath myself.

I wonder sometimes how I got myself into this mess. If only I didn't open up my heart up. I wouldn't feel this much pain, this much guilt. I wouldn't be crying right at this moment, trying my best to forget about the one person who brought me back from the brink. I'm about to run away from it all like I do all of my problems. It all happened so fast. I never thought that happiness would find me. I always thought I was unworthy, too far gone for something so special. I've been hurt so many times that I just felt dead inside. Almost like a ghost. Then he just came into my life like an angel sent from heaven. Of course when I first started to feel my darkness leave me, that's when I freaked out. I pushed him away because I was scared of what I was feeling. My emotions were too strong. It had been so long since I felt that way about someone. I also didn't want him to find out about my secret which ended up happening any way. God why did I let myself turn my back on the best thing that ever happened to me? How could I had been so stupid? I guess to know what I'm talking about, I'll have to start from the beginning. Down that dark path once again...welcome to my nightmare.


	2. the Beginning

**ok here's chapter 1! this chapter deals with some heavy stuff such as cutting. having dealt with this problem myself, i felt that i needed to portray the condition accurately instead of stereotyping it. i hope i did a good job on that. any way, enjoy!**

**_italics_ - the voice which takes the form of Paul aka Triple H**

**' ' - inner thoughts**

Another rainy night. Dark, violent, empty. Ever since it happened, the sky hasn't stopped shedding tears. Mya Garcia sat alone in her apartment while flashes of lightning created eerie shadows on the walls around her. She couldn't help but wonder how her life had turned completely upside down. Everything was dark and hollow, just like her heart. She couldn't help but let a few tears drop over the one person she thought she could trust but ended up betraying her in the end. Love proved to be nothing but a joke, a cruel joke. All it did was slap her in the face.

'Shit, did he even care to begin with? Who in the hell's to blame here? God, could it have been me all along?'

_Do you actually think he cared about you? Aw c'mon! He played you for a fool and you know it. Don't just sit there and lie to yourself. Besides, you only need me to take your pain away._

Confusion swept over her like a cold wave. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust any one again. I don't think I could take it," she said as her voice began to crack. Little did she know that her wish would come true. It would happen a lot sooner than she could ever imagine.

After another sleepless night, Mya decided to go for a walk in the park just to clear her mind. "Maybe some fresh air will do me some good," she said with little confidence. Looking at her reflection in the mirror made her sick. How she had become this frail looking woman was beyond her.

_So weak and vulnerable. No wonder he left you. How can you live with yourself looking the way you do? Just look at your reminders._

She felt the familiar sting as she got dressed. Even though it was a little warm outside, she wore a sweater any way just to cover up her fragile form and her terrible secret. Just thinking about it made her feel even worse. 'How could any one love me when I do this to myself? At the pace I'm going, I'll probably end up dead. But do I really care?'

As she walked past the tall, dark trees she couldn't help but think about the man that broke her heart. 'And over what? A controlling attitude and his nosey ass dad! How could I be so stupid to fall for that shit? It's the oldest trick in the book for God's sake and me of all people fell for it. But who knew it would all be true and I'd end up being the loser in this twisted game.' "How could I be so stupid?"

She spotted a bench near by and decided that she needed to sit down. She could feel herself almost blacking out but tried to stay focused as she sat down. As she did so, she felt the tears welling up in her eyes again. The painful memories were just too much for her to hold back any longer. The poison began burning in her veins just begging for release but she fought the temptation. Her wounds, both old and new, began to ache as she let a few tears fall while putting her face in her trembling hands. She said out loud, "Why did this have to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?"

"Hey honey, what's wrong?"

She looked up only to find that she was gazing into the brown eyes of a tall, dark and muscular man who was standing in front of her with a concerned look on his face. "Oh uh nothing," she finally said after wiping the tears from her eyes. She didn't know that anyone was looking at her the whole time and didn't really care any way. This stranger intrigued her especially by the way he was staring at her but she didn't think much of it. 'Why can't I just cry in peace for once? Just leave me alone already, damn.'

"Well you wouldn't be crying like that if it was just nothing. Did someone hurt you or something," he said while sitting next to her on the park bench.

'How does he know that? Did something give it away or am I just being paranoid?' She became very uncomfortable because she didn't know what his intentions might be and was afraid to find out. "How would you know that?" She couldn't help but feel very nervous as she awaited his answer.

"Well the only time I've seen a woman cry like that if she's been hurt by someone she held very close to her heart," said the stranger. _He's even got charm. I like that but it won't last especially when he finds out our little secret. Definitely headed for heart ache ville again my friend._ The stranger knew full well about what she was going through but she didn't know that nor did she care. 'She's way too beautiful to be crying like that. It was hard just to sit back and watch her suffer like this. I can tell she really needs to open up to someone or is she already too far gone?'

"Well I would love to sit here and chat with you but if you'll excuse me, I really have to go," she said while getting up and walking away from this stranger she just met.

He ran after her, obviously not ready to leave her alone yet. "Wait! I didn't catch your name." She turned around only to be startled by his dark brown eyes yet again. "My name is Mya. There you happy now?"

He couldn't help but laugh at that comment. "As a matter of fact I am very much so that I at least caught your name any way. Oh and before I forget, my name is Dwayne. I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself first, I hope I wasn't being rude," he said nervously.

"Well it's nice to meet you Dwayne," she replied while shaking his hand, "but I really have to go." As she turned around to leave, he put his hand on her shoulder only to have her jump and back away from him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I'd like to ask you a question before you go. I know we just met and all but would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?"

Mya had to think for a second but this was the only way for him to leave her alone so she decided to go with him. 'You might as well go. Get the whole experience over and done with.'

"Ok I will and besides it's only fair," she said not really sure of what she was getting herself into. Dwayne just smiled, hooked her arm around his and they walked down the street together despite both being nervous as hell.

They went into this small coffee shop not too far from the park and sat down in this little table for two in the corner. After they placed their orders, Dwayne couldn't help but just stare at this rare beauty in front of him. 'How could a woman as beautiful as this be all alone? I had no idea that someone could look so fragile, so lost. Almost like a frightened child.' He kept looking at her while thinking about how strong she appeared yet he sensed the vulnerability and fear that lied deep within her.

Mya felt Dwayne's eyes burning into her. She tried not to meet his gaze which made her feel even more uncomfortable. _Squirming like a worm. Nice first impression._ She felt like a caged animal being studied and she wanted out fast. 'Why does he have to stare at me like that? I really wish he would stop and concentrate on something else for a change.'

After admiring her for a moment, he decided to speak up but she beat him to the punch. "So why did you feel compelled to stop and talk to me in the park," she said hoping that she would get an honest answer.

"Well I noticed how badly you were crying. I wanted to see what was wrong and if you were okay," he said while taking a sip of his coffee. "That's why I asked you because I was just curious and I wanted to see if I could help in any way."

This seemed to trouble Mya but she didn't give it much thought. _You think too damn much. Problem #1._ "I'm glad that someone actually cared," she said sarcastically.

"Well you should be glad. There's a lot more trust worthy people in this world. You just have to know where to look," he replied with a smile.

She didn't take that too lightly because she feared where this was going. "Let me guess. You're that trust worthy person I've been looking for, right?"

"You never know. I just might be," he said with that same warm smile on his face. "Well right now I don't know whom I can trust," she said knowing full well that her emotional scars had not completely healed yet. _The only person you can trust is me. You don't need anyone else. Trust me on this one. Need I remind you?_

Dwayne sensed that something was really bothering her so he decided to speak up and ask. "I really hate to ask you this question again and you don't have to answer if you don't want to but did someone hurt you?"

Mya froze as that question hit her hard yet again. She wanted to run away but she kept herself in check. 'What am I going to say to him? I can't lie about something as personal as this. Maybe it'll help me put some of it to rest if I do speak up and confess.' _Go ahead. Confess your sins like a good little girl._ "It's ok if you don't want to talk about it. I won't push you," he said while trying to read the expression on her pale face.

The more his eyes pierced into her, the more insecure she began to feel. 'How would he react if I told him my secret? He'd probably run just like everyone else has.' _You're probably right about that one. Be prepared for the worst sweety. He's probably a liar just like the last one was. How soon we forget, huh? No wonder you need me so much. Who knows if you could survive on your own._ She let out a sigh while hoping the tears wouldn't well up in her eyes. "No it's ok and besides it would probably do me some good if I did talk about it. Uh, this is something that I haven't spoken of in a long time."

'Of course the more I think about his haunting words, the more I wanna...' Dwayne stopped her and asked, "Are you sure you feel comfortable telling me this?" She snapped out of her trace. "No it's ok. It's no big deal really." She took a deep breath before she started.

"It happened about a year and a half ago. I met him through this friend of mine at work. After we started to get to know each other better, he seemed like a very nice guy or so I thought. Everything started going so well for us but alas all good things must come to an end, right?" Just stirring up these memories was practically ripping her apart inside but she kept herself together even though she wasn't doing a very good job. _Good things don't happen to people like you. You're just a pathetic weakling who..._

"Please go on," he said softly.

She cleared her throat and went on. "To skip all the drama, right before we were supposed to get married I found out from a friend that he was seeing his ex behind my back. Of course the news left me devastated and hurt beyond belief. I demanded answers so I confronted him about it. Of course he denied it right away, telling me that I was paranoid and said some pretty hurtful things to me so I slapped him in the face. He didn't take that too well unfortunately." This time the tears couldn't be stopped as one slid down her pale cheek. Dwayne picked up one of her trembling hands and placed it in his while gently massaging it just letting her know that she wasn't alone. "I know this must be hard for you. If you don't want to continue, I'll understand." She wiped the tear from her cheek and continued even though she was falling to pieces inside. _Weakling! Look at you, confessing only a part of your burden in front of this stranger. You don't even deserve the happiness that you speak of. It wouldn't do you any good._ "No I'll continue. Uh after I slapped him, he called me a bitch and punched me in the face. I hit the wall so hard I...I didn't have time to react." The pain became too much for her as she started to sob uncontrollably while shaking like a leaf.

Dwayne couldn't stand it any more so he got up, sat next to her and put his arms around her. He knew that this might not have been the right thing to do but he wanted to show her that he cared. She didn't know how to react since he did this so suddenly but at the moment, she didn't care. All she could do was cry on his shoulder. 'What the hell is wrong with me? There is no reason for me to be breaking down like this in front of a complete stranger. I hope he doesn't think I'm crazy.' _You wanna bet?_ She could feel his arms gently squeeze her, letting her know that he was there and wasn't going any where. After what seemed like forever, she raised her tear stained face from his shoulder. He wiped her face with his two fingers at least drying some of her tears. She wanted to pull away but didn't have the strength to. "Are you okay," he said while she trembled slightly. She nodded her head yes. _Liar. Just admit it to yourself already. Why waste your time pretending?_

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, well you know," she said while collecting her thoughts.

"It's ok. I really don't mind. You just looked like you needed to let some of it go."

'If you only knew.' "Yeah I guess. It just hurts so you much, you know." If you really think he's gonna fall for this, you are so wrong. "I can only imagine sweety," he replied. "Listen if this is too much for you, then we can stop for now." _Honestly you can tell him your whole life story if you want to. I guess he really does take you for a fool. _

"No uh, I'll continue. It's ok really," she said really unsure if telling her story would trigger the darkness inside her. "Uh after I hit the wall, I fell to the ground and he started to hit me over and over again. I almost thought he was going to kill me. I didn't have time to scream since I was in so much pain. He even kicked me in the stomach a few times and started yelling at me to never touch him again. He also delivered a crushing blow when he said that I meant nothing to him. I was nothing more than his little play toy. Needless to say, he broke me. After what seemed like forever, he stopped. I struggled to get up but blacked out before I could get to my feet. I really don't remember who found me but the next day I woke up in the hospital with the horrible memory of what happened. Over time as the bruises healed and I was finally released, I shut everyone and everything out. I'm just a total wreck of a human being. I mean I trusted this man and he did that to me. That's why I don't talk to anyone because trusting them is the hard part since I'm so afraid of being hurt again."

Her blank stare is what seemed to trouble Dwayne. 'Maybe there's more to this story than meets the eye.' "So needless to say, you never heard from this jerk again, right?" She nodded her head, "No but I didn't really care any way. Why mourn the loss?" 'Why does she seem eerily calm about this? What did he do to her?'

"You know it's ok to feel sad about this. You really don't have to hide it from any one," he said while trying to read her emotionless face. _Well well well. Look's like he does have a heart after all_. "I didn't say I was hiding it. It just hurts beyond what words can express. I just really hate the flashbacks," she replied trying not to look him in the face. She knew her eyes would give her secret away.

"What flashbacks?" 'Oh shit I did say that out loud. Great how am I gonna explain that one?'_ Smooth move sweety. Real smooth._

Dwayne saw her become tense and nervous again so he decided to change the subject. "Mya I know this may not be the right question to ask right now but just give me an honest answer, ok?"

Startled by his sudden change of subject she replied, "Alright." _You can feel it, can you? That familiar desire to, shall we say end this inner torment? To make this all go away. Might as well accept the fact that he won't want you after he finds out your terrible little secret. You know the one you are just so ashamed of. He'll just kick you to the curb just like the other one did. Please tell me if I'm getting warmer 'cause you appear to be getting lost in it, am I right? C'mon sweety. Just excuse yourself so you can get it over with. Do you hear me? DO IT!_ 'Back off, ok? I am not going to do it again. Do you hear me! I'm through with this shit. You have no power over me no matter what you think! LEAVE ME ALONE!'

"Mya!" That seemed to shake her from her thoughts.

"What?"

"Did you hear what I asked you?" 'Why did it have to happen now? DAMN IT! I can't take this any more.'

"No, I didn't. I'm sorry," she replied while only listening to half of what he was saying. She began to feel dizzy and very distant as Dwayne asked his question again. _Look at you. You pathetic, piece of wasted space! No matter what you may think, you need me so don't even raise your voice to me. You made me so now you have to suffer the consequences._

"Mya, is everything alright?" This broke her concentration yet again.

"Uh, yeah. Everything is fine. Why do you ask?"

He sensed that she was getting very nervous and twitching slightly. 'She seems to be fighting with herself or am I just imagining things? Maybe I should ask her if she wants to stay with me even though it wouldn't be the best idea. She definitely looks like she needs someone to look after her.' "No particular reason. Just by watching you, I know you didn't hear what I asked you so I'll say it again. This may not be the best time to ask this since you are in a weakened state but, do you mind staying at my place tonight?"

This totally took her off guard since she was too busy arguing with that damn voice. "You don't have to answer me right away if you don't want to. Take as much time as you need and besides, I don't think I want to let you out of my sight." _My my my. What a dilemma we have here. Let's see how you'll pass this one._

'Oh great. Now how am I gonna get out of this one? I thought I wasn't being that obvious. I really need to get out of here so I can have some room to breathe.' _That's right Mya. Give into your urge to, well you know. Besides it'll make you feel a lot better._

"Well uh, just let me think about it first. I have to go to the bathroom any way. If you'll excuse me, I'll be right back," she said as she walked nervously to find the bathroom. 'Ok Mya. Get a grip on yourself. Just get this over with and you won't be so nervous. God I hate myself already.' She didn't have to walk far since it was close to where they were sitting. Pushing the door open with ease, she checked to see if any one else was in there before she put an end to the urge. Finding the nearest stall wasn't too hard but she made sure that she kept her ears open so she wouldn't get caught. She gently closed the door and locked it securely. She sat down on the toilet and looked through her purse for her weapon of destruction. Once she felt the cold handle, she silenced the darkness within her tortured soul. She rolled up the right sleeve of her sweater and began to release the poison from within. Everything began to flow like healing water as she floated into ecstasy. A sick smile crossed her face as the world around her melted away with the pain. _Now doesn't that feel much better?_

Meanwhile outside her destructive world, Dwayne waited patiently at the small table. 'I wonder what's taking her so long. She seemed preoccupied as she walked off. Hopefully there's nothing wrong. I hope she's ok in there.' He kept looking at his watch and it had been a while since she first entered. 'Alright that's it. I'm going in there to check on her. Something is definitely not right.' He made his way to the door and just when he was about to open it, Mya appeared.

"Whoa. Sorry I was about to come in there and check on you. Are you ok?"

"Uh yeah. I'm fine. All better now. No need to worry about little ol' me," she said in an eerily calm voice.

"Ok just thought I'd check that's all. I was a little worried," he said really unsure of what had happened in there.

With each agonizing step, Mya felt even worse knowing that she gave into temptation but also felt relieved that all the madness had stopped. 'I can't believe I did that especially in front of him. He probably already thinks I'm nuts even though he won't come out and admit it. I guess I am pathetic.' _Aww boo freakin' hoo my sweet pet. The truth is usually harder to handle than how you live your life. Admit it already so we can both be happy._ The familiar sting took her mind off of her grief but that would only be temporary as it always is. Her arm would be killing her in the morning but she didn't care. Just scars upon scars that's all. Only a minor set back from the endless chaos that was going on inside her tortured soul.

Dwayne sensed that Mya's attitude had changed dramatically since she left so abruptly. She seemed more relaxed and focused. 'I wonder how she changed so quickly. Maybe with her staying with me is a good idea after all. Even though she hasn't mentioned it yet, she looks like she may need some help.' "So have you thought about what I asked?"

Her eyes seem to shift back and forth even though she didn't meet his gaze. "Yes I have. You're right. It would be a good idea if I stayed with you for the night. I don't trust myself especially in this condition," she said knowing that she didn't want her secret to be revealed. _Worry worry worry. All you do is worry about it but no one has found out yet but oh the consequences of it all just puts a smile on my face. Do you actually think that you can overcome this? Oh sweety you are sadly mistaken. I almost feel sorry for you._

"Ok then. Are you ready to leave," he said while still thinking about what was wrong with her.

It took almost all her strength to lift her head and look into his eyes. "Yeah I'm ready and besides I'm a little tired especially from the day I've had."

Dwayne couldn't help but smile at her. "Yeah I know the feeling. Let's go then sweety," he replied while letting her wrap one of her arms around his. _Aw look at you two. Almost makes me feel sorry for the poor fool especially when he finds out who you really are and of course what you do to yourself. I bet he'll be so confused and angry. Lord have mercy. And you'll end up right where you were. Totally alone..._

As they walked outside to catch a cab, Mya couldn't help but look at Dwayne while he held her sore arm in his gentle grasp. 'If he only knew about what I do to myself. He probably wouldn't accept it and leave. Why did I even bother to agree to stay with him? Since I made my bed, I guess I'll have to lie in it unfortunately. God I feel stupid already.' _Already sabotaging it, aren't we? I guess some things never change._

"So do you live alone or are you involved with someone," she asked as a cab pulled up to where they were standing.

He had to crack a smile at her question but gladly answered it as he opened the door for her. "Actually I live alone. I prefer it that way since I don't get out much. How bout yourself?"

Mya became uneasy again as he sat next to her in the back seat. "Well I live alone too. It's much easier when you just have yourself to take care of. That's what I think any way," she replied as her mind wandered.

'I could sympathize with her. I know how hard it can be.' "Nothing wrong with that. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I respect that the most even though sometimes I don't have to like it."

"I definitely know what you mean. I usually keep to myself because I'm always judged by what I say or think. I'm a very hard person to understand. Call it a gift or a curse."

"Why would you say that," Dwayne replied while he studied her pale face.

"I've known for a long time that I'm...different. I say things differently and when it comes to a certain topics, I always have to speak my mind or I used to any way." _Yeah yeah yeah. Cry me a river, will ya?_

His eyes softened a bit. "You seem like you have your head in the right spot. I've never met anyone who's quite as unique as you. You're a very rare find sweety," he said with a smile.

'Lord he needs to quit smiling at me like that. If he keeps on doing it, I'll probably confess the world by the end of the night.' _Oh really? Well you might as well get it over with._ "Wow I've never had anyone tell me that before."

He slowly reached for her hand and gently held it. "Why deny the truth when it's right in front of you?"

She couldn't help but smile at his cute remark. 'Good question Dwayne, good question.' "You look cute when you smile," Dwayne said while still holding Mya's small hand.

"I was about to tell you the same thing but cute is not the word I was looking for," she replied while she could feel the warmth from Dwayne's hand.

"What word where you looking for then if I may ask?" He lifted an eyebrow in curiousity.

"Well uh..." She could feel her cheeks grow hot.

"I'm only kidding sweety. I just wanted to see how you'd react." He laughed to himself.

"Thanks. Any way, the word I was looking for was nice." She tried to look serious but smiled instead.

"I'm flattered. Thanks." He winked at her.

"You're very welcome sir," she said while trying not to smirk. 'Maybe things are looking up for after all.'


	3. It's Haunting Me

**ok here's the next chapter just like i promised. it's gonna get a little intense here since we got some bad memories popping up to give you a little back story on my character Mya. there's a rape scene, more abuse and some more self injury. i'll also be introducing Ric Flair which is Paul's father and David, Mya's friend, who i modeled after David Draiman from Disturbed. any way, enjoy!**

_italics _- the voice

**bold **- nightmares or flashbacks

' ' - inner thoughts

The cab finally pulled up to Dwayne's apartment. "You still ok with this? 'Cause if not, I'll just have this cab drive you home," he said while feeling more anxious than ever. 'God this is the first time I've invited any one up much less a stranger in so long. Well since...Dany.'

Mya couldn't help but think about his question. 'It's best for me to stay since I don't trust myself being all alone at my place. I might do something stupid...again.' _Oh is that what you call it now? This stupid thing is what keeps you alive. You just make it sound worse than it already is. _"No it's ok Dwayne really. I'm still ok with this. I promise."

Dwayne sighed in relief. "Ok good. I just thought that you weren't sure of my request. Well c'mon up then."

Even though the walk to his apartment took only minutes, Mya began to feel uneasy again. She couldn't explain why either. 'I really need to stay focused just for tonight. No more giving into temptation. I hope.' _Give me a damn break! You actually think that you'll be able to survive without giving into the urge again. Sorry but you are so wrong honey. You know what you need to do for all the pain to stop._ 'I already told you that I am not going to do that and you won't make me this time. Who says I'm going to fall for this guy any way? It's just for one night. Something like that never hurt any body, right?' _Do me a favor and stop your whining. Whether you want to believe it or not is your choice. Just remember this. The consequences will be far worse than last time. _It took everything that she had with her to keep from crying again. Memories of the last time haunted her day and night. She felt like the feeling would never go away but she fought with all her might to keep everything under control. _Cut it out! You don't deserve to hear it beat... _'SHUT UP! Just please think of something else before you do the unthinkable.'

Dwayne noticed yet again that Mya seemed to be becoming uneasy. 'Should I ask her what's wrong or just mind my own business? I want her to feel as comfortable as possible but I'm not sure if she can do that on her own. She's been through so much and I know that there's a lot that she's not telling me. I could tell just by the look she gave me while we were talking. It was almost like she was asking me for help. Maybe I should...' "You look a little faint Mya. Are you alright?"

"Huh? Oh um I'm fine Dwayne. I feel just fine thanks," she replied as they reach the door to his apartment. 'I hope he's not getting suspicious. If he is, I'll just change the subject.' "Is this it," she said, pointing at the door they stood in front of.

"Yes it is. Let me just unlock the door here and we'll go inside," he said while messing with the door knob. "I'll let you go in first."

She didn't how to react as he held the door open for her but she went in any way. "Thank you. That's very rare, you know."

"Oh I know but I think every man should open a door for a lady. She should be treated like a princess," he explained while walking in and closing the door behind him.

Hearing the door click shut caused Mya to have a flashback. 'Please I don't want to see it. Don't make me please. What did I do wrong? Please don't...'

She saw herself in her bedroom, crouched down in the corner shaking. Fear is all she felt at that moment from what she remembered. Tears stained her pale face as the moon light shown through the only window in the room. With every breathe, uncontrolled sobs racked her body yet she seemed eerily calm. Her weapon of choice wasn't lying too far from where she was sitting. Numbness filled the air as she hummed a soft tune. Having little strength left in her aching body, she stood up while feeling the blood run down both her arms. Out of no where, she let out a pain filled scream while destroying everything around her. She beat the walls 'til her hands were as bloody as her arms. Every wound stung yet slowly faded along with her sanity. "YOU NEVER LOVED ME! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I AM NOTHING! DO YOU HEAR ME? NOTHING!" Her legs gave way as she collapsed to the floor. The only question she could whisper was something left unanswered as exhaustion took its toll. "Why?" A figure appeared out of the darkness, sat down on the floor next to her and gently whispered in her ear. "No one can ever truly be happy..."

As Dwayne turned around, he saw Mya standing very still. He walked closer to her and could clearly see that she was shaking. 'What's wrong with her? Could this be the flashbacks she was talking about?' "Mya, are you okay?"

At first she didn't answer him but as he went to ask again, she fell to the floor like a ton of bricks. "Oh my god!" He rushed to her side, trying desperately to wake her. "Mya, c'mon wake up. Open your eyes. C'mon sweety, come back to me c'mon. Wake up!" He tried to shake her a little but that didn't seem to work.

After a few agonizing seconds, she slowly opened her eyes. The room seemed to be spinning out of control and she almost didn't know where she was. A soft groan escaped her lips.

Her surroundings slowly came into focus as did Dwayne's face which startled her. "Whoa what happened?"

Dwayne sighed with relief. "Oh thank God you're okay. You almost gave me a quite a scare."

"Did I black out or something," she said while still trying to clear up her vision.

"Well we walked into my apartment and I just shut the door when I noticed you froze for some strange reason. As I got closer to you, I saw that you were shaking so when I tried to snap you out of it that's when you fainted."

She struggled to get to her feet but Dwayne stopped her. "Don't try to get up too fast. Just let me help you." He took hold of her left hand and slowly pulled her up.

As soon as she could stand on her own two feet, she almost lost her balance but Dwayne caught her before she fell. "I guess I need to sit down since my legs don't seem to want to cooperate," she said while clinging to his strong arms. "Let me make this a lot easier for ya."

With one swift move, he slowly picked her up and carried her to a nearby couch where he put her down as softly as possible. _Wow, color me surprised. I didn't expect him to do that. This doesn't seem so bad after all.' Just wait my friend. Just wait..._

Just to make sure she wasn't hurt, he decided to look her over again to see if she was okay. Something on her right sleeve caught his eye almost instantly. "Are you hurt?"

She looked herself over just to see if everything was in check. "I don't think so. Why?"

"'Cause there's blood on your sleeve. You sure you didn't hurt yourself on the way down?"

Avoiding his concerned eyes, she had to think of a good excuse and fast before he caught on. 'Damn it! I must've reopened that cut when I fell. What the hell am I gonna tell him?' _Naughty mistake my friend and this better be a good one too. _"Oh I guess I did. Clumsy me," she replied nervously.

"Maybe you should have me take a look at it..." He slowly reached over to lift her sleeve.

"NO!"

Dwayne looked at her in shock. Her panicked tone startled him.

"I mean no. I bet it's nothing serious. I wouldn't worry about it." 'God I hate lying to him like this but I don't have choice. I can't risk my secret being found out. I hate myself already.' _Well you should. As pathetic as you are, I'm shocked he doesn't kick you out on the street right now. You need me more than you know..._

"Are you sure you're alright? 'Cause if not, I can..."

She put her hand on his shoulder. "Dwayne I understand completely but I'm fine. It's probably just a scratch any way. Nothing serious but thanks for your concern," she said while feeling guilty for lying to him.

In the back of Dwayne's mind, he knew she was hiding something but he didn't dare press the issue. 'What is she trying so hard to hide? I sensed something back at the coffee house but I didn't want to upset her even more. With her weird reaction to me wanting to check her wound just makes me even more curious. I'm not sure how long I'll be able to fight it. Could it be that bad or is she just afraid to tell me? Hopefully I'll find out soon.' "Would you like anything to drink or perhaps a blanket," he said nervously.

"A glass of water would be fine," she replied with a smile. "Ok then. One glass of water coming right up."

_Smooth move. Making him think that there's nothing wrong with you. What a pity... _As he made his way towards the kitchen, Mya could feel the overwhelming guilt begin to eat her up inside. She slowly lifted her right sleeve to see which cut opened up and it just happened to be the one that she did before they arrived. 'I knew I did it too deep. I was just hurting so bad and everything was just... Could my life be any more screwed up than it already is?'

"Here's the water you asked for sweety," he said interrupting her thoughts. "Oh thank you. I really appreciate this and everything that you've done for me so far."

"Don't mention it. I'm just doing this out of the kindness of my own heart," he replied with a smile.

The coolness of the water calmed her down a bit.

"I'll get you a blanket from the next room unless you want my bed and I can sleep on the couch. It's your pick really."

'What a gentleman.' _Oh please. _"I think I'll choose the couch. I don't want to be any trouble to you since this is your place and all," she said with a hint of nervousness in her voice.

"I'll tell ya what. How bout you take my bed and I'll sleep on the couch. Does that sound fair?" He tried to read the emotion on her face as he waited for her answer.

"Ok then. I'll take the bed and you take the couch. Sounds fair to me any way," she told him as she finished the glass of water he had given her.

"Alrighty. Let me show you to the bed then. I mean...uh I hope that didn't come out wrong." He felt his cheeks turn red from embarassment.

"Oh no. It's ok. I don't think it came out wrong at all," she said while trying not to laugh.

He kinda rolled his eyes at her while helping her up. It didn't take that long to reach the massive bedroom which had a king size bed and a slanted ceiling.

'Wow. This is way too much space for someone like me.'

"I'll just wait outside while you get ready, ok?"

"Ok. Thank you so much for being so nice to me. It really makes me feel good."

"Glad I could help sweety. Tell me when you're done."

She winked at him. 'Ok I will."

Her mind seemed to drift away as she heard him shut the door. It was hard to imagine that such a kind man could actually exist but I guess she was lucky enough to have found him. 'I shouldn't be thinking like this. It's only for one night any way. And besides who said I deserve a second...chance.' _Getting ahead of ourselves, aren't we? If you ask me, you don't deserve a second chance. For what you do to yourself, I won't be surprised if you or should I say we end up all alone. _She shook that thought from her head as she got ready to lie down. 'I guess I'll sleep in this sweater even though I know I'll get hot during the night. A small price to pay for hiding my secret.' It was a little cold in the room but she felt the instant warmth under the thick covers. Getting settled in didn't take too long but for the first time in her young life, she felt...safe.

"Are you decent," said Dwayne while knocking on the door.

"Yes, you can come in. This is your room any way silly."

The door slowly opened and she could tell he was trying not to laugh. "Just thought I'd ask before barging in. I'll be quick I promise. I just need to grab a blanket and a pillow. You don't mind if I change in here, do you?"

"Go ahead. I promise I won't peek," she replied with a smile.

He watched as she hid her head under the covers as he too got ready for the night. Curiosity got the best of her though. She quietly watched him get undressed even though she wanted to giggle like a school girl. The light in the room shone very nicely on his hard physique. 'Good Lord! He's practically all muscle but in a slim, sexy way. Damn I shouldn't be thinking like this.' She couldn't help but be reminded of the asshole who left her. She quickly shook that thought from her mind and continued to watch in silence. Her heart was beating so loudly that it might have given her away but this seemed so innocent. 'No harm done, right?'

It didn't take him long to get dressed for bed but he could feel like someone was watching him. 'I guess she couldn't help but peek.' A sly smile crossed his face as he spoke. "You can look now." He slowly turned around to reveal a white tank top and black silk boxers.

Mya tried not to blush but she knew she didn't succeed.

"Well I better leave you alone so you can try to get some rest. You and I both had a rough day."

She came out from underneath the covers and nodded her head yes. Making his way to the door, she couldn't help but watch his every move not knowing why she was so fascinated.

"Good night Mya. I'll see you in the morning. Oh I'm gonna leave the door open just in case you need me, ok," he said with that same concerned look on his face.

"Ok, good night," she replied softly as he walked towards the couch in the living room. 'Wow. I never knew someone like that could be so kind and generous. This might be the good night's sleep I desperately need.' _You wish..._

Just like the voice had said, sleep proved to be a difficult one. She seemed to be caught up in nightmares about her ex and the way he treated her. The one she was so caught up in was the most disturbing of all.

"**Hi Paul. How's my sweety doin' today?" **

**"What the hell were talking to him for?" **

**"Talking to who baby?" **

**"Don't you baby me! I saw you talking to him. Tell me what that was all about!" **

**"It wasn't about anything, alright? We were just talking." **

**"Don't you dare walk away from me!"**

**What are you gonna do about it?" **

**(he grabbed her by the hair.) "You wanna find out bitch!" **

**"Ow! Paul let go...you're hurting me!" **

**"If I see you talking to Rey again, I won't be so forgiving." **

**"He's my brother. I can talk to him whenever I want to. Now let me go!" **

**"Alright. I guess you like to learn things the hard way." (he pushed her up against the wall. he took off his belt and started to hit her in the back repeatedly.) **

**"PAUL PLEASE STOP! PLEASE! THAT HURTS!" (he continued to hit her with the belt 'til she fell to the ground crying uncontrollably from the pain ripping through her. he grabbed her by the hair again and whispered in her ear.) **

**"Now do we have an understanding? Don't talk to him again or this will be much worse. Do you understand me?" **

**"Yeah, yes I do. I-I won't t-talk to him any more. I p-promise." **

**(a sick smile crossed his emotionless face.) "That's my girl. Come to bed when you get all cleaned up." (he kissed her on the cheek and let go of her hair as she sobbed into the carpet.)**

Another dream came which woke Dwayne up. He thought he was hearing things but noticed Mya talking in her sleep. He went to check on her and she seemed to be fighting someone in her sleep. "Mya, are you alright? Hey wake up. Wake up sweety. C'mon." His efforts of trying to wake her up didn't seem to work. He could see tears streaming down her face as she struggled. She was too wrapped up in what was going on. Way too wrapped up...

**"Paul please! I didn't do anything wrong, I swear!" **

**(he slapped her in the face.) "Don't you fuckin' dare lie to me you stupid bitch! Who knew that you could be such a whore!" **

**"Please I didn't do anything." **

**(he shook her with all his might.) "Now how can you just stand there and lie to me! I saw you Mya! The truth doesn't lie!" (he pushed her and she tripped over the coffee table. she almost fell on her head but her arm broke her fall. he kicked her in the stomach with his boot, picked her up, and carried her over his shoulder to the bedroom. throwing her hard on the bed, he pinned her arms with his hands.) "Now you tell me the truth or I'll do something far worse than you could ever imagine." **

**"It w-was jus-st a hug I swear. We didn't do anything else. W-why would I lie t-to you about t-that?" **

**"Why lie about it? Hmm let's see. You're either trying to protect him or..." (he squeezed her wrists 'til she cried out in pain.) "You just love pissing me off. Which one is it sweety?" **

**"Paul please, I'm begging you. Don't do this baby, please. Please don't." **

**"Or what? What are you gonna do about it, huh? You forget Mya, you're mine now. Mine and no one else's. You belong to me and not even your brother or that friend of yours can do anything about it. How soon...we forget." (he tried to kiss her forcefully but she struggled which prompted him to hit her again.) "You know if you didn't struggle so much, this would be so much easier." (he then put one hand over her mouth and the other pulled her clothes off. her muffled screams were silenced as she pretended to be somewhere else.)**

"Mya wake up!"

She awoke so suddenly that she could help but scream and trying to get away.

"Hey it's ok sweety. You just had a nightmare that's all."

She sat up and put her arms around Dwayne while crying uncontrollably.

"Hey shhh. You're ok sweety. I'm here. Nothing is gonna hurt you, I promise. You're safe now," he whispered as she clung tighter to his strong frame.

She could feel his hands rubbing her back which seemed to comfort her a little. "I was so scared," she whimpered.

"I know sweety, I know but it was just a dream. Whatever it was isn't gonna hurt you."

"Please stay with me. Don't leave. Please I don't want to be alone," crying out almost pleadingly while still holding onto him tight.

"Ok ok, I'll stay. I'm not going any where," he replied while trying desperately to calm her down. 'What kind of nightmare was that to scare her this bad? It's hurting me just to watch her suffer like this.'

_Crying won't change a thing my dear. You know that already._

Fear had never consumed her this much especially from a nightmare like the many she's had before. That didn't matter now. She just wished they would stop along with her pain. Her arms ached while she let go for a second so that Dwayne could lay next to her. 'How can I be so weak? I have never acted like this before. What the hell has come over me?' _I told ya you were weak._

She felt him lay on top of the covers as she moved next to him while putting her weary head on his right shoulder. "Please stay with me," she whispered as she felt herself drifting off.

"I will honey. I will," he replied while feeling her relax. He knew full well that he wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that she could have another nightmare so he watched over her closely as her breathing slowed down. 'What is she not telling me? Maybe I'll ask her in the morning when everything isn't so crazy.' He closed his eyes and drifted into a deep sleep.

_Well sweety, looks like you made the best first impression. I bet he thinks the world of you by now. But enough of that. I need you to do something for me. You need to wake up first. C'mon, I promise he's not awake. Take a look and see. What did I tell ya? You should know better than to question me. Now let's take a little trip to the bathroom where I can show you something. Close the door behind you. That's it. I already know that you don't want to look at yourself but just do it for me, ok sweety? There ya go. That wasn't so hard, was it? Remember when...LET ME FINISH! Now, remember when you went to work that day when your 'friend' decided to talk to you about that little make-up slip. You couldn't quite cover those bruises as good as before and the look on his face was just priceless. Ah yes you tried to get away but you just weren't fast enough. Oh what happened to your face? blah blah blah. From the looks of things you didn't come up with a very good excuse. The tears were too much and you just spilled your guts to him like he needed to know any way. I know when he comforted you with a nice hug, you thought you were safe but aw damn. Guess who was watching? You know who's daddy. After you and David were through talking, he pulled you aside and gave you a piece of advice which sent you running to the bathroom. Remember that face? I do. Let's remember, shall we? I know you're gonna love this._

**"What did he do to your face Mya?" **

**"It's nothing David. I was just clumsy and ran into a door."**

**"I don't buy that crap. Why do you always protect him when he does this to you? If you think that's love, you are being played for a fool!" **

**"Just back off, ok! It's none of your business what I do with Paul. He treats me just fine and as far as love goes, he loves me more than you'll ever know!" **

**"Mya wait! Look at yourself. You want to continue to live like this with that asshole? ANSWER ME!"**

**"No...no I don't. God, who am I kidding? Please don't tell anyone else, alright? If he finds out..." **

**"What? What will he do?" **

**"You see this?" (she pointed to her face.) "Expect worse. That's why you can't say a word. Just...promise me David please. Rey suspects something already but he doesn't need to know. Please promise me." **

**"Come here girl." (he pulls her into a friendly embrace.) "You know I can't promise you anything but...I'll try. If you need me, don't hesitate to call."**

**"Thanks." **

**(Around the corner, Paul's father Ric was listening to their little conversation. He waited until David left before he made his move.) "Well well well. Look's like someone's caught in the act, eh sweet heart? Now you weren't telling on my son, now were you?" **

**"Uh, no Ric. I was just talking with David and...and.." **

**"Don't lie to me Mya! I listened to every damn word you said to that freak show and guess what? We have a little problem here." **

**"We do?" "Let me give you a little piece of advice darlin'." (he grabbed her by the arm.) "If I see you talking to David or Rey about this little incident...well let's just say Paul won't be as forgiving as I am. You got that?" **

**"Uh, y-yes sir. I-I won't t-tell anyone else about this. I swear." **

**(he let go of her arm and smiled.) "See now was that so hard? Do yourself a favor and get cleaned up, ok?" **

**(watching him leave made her even more sick as she ran to the bathroom. looking at herself in the mirror was as bad as she thought. feeling more and more frustrated with herself, she punched the mirror and watched the glass shatter into a million pieces.)**

_Ah the memories! It's almost like it was yesterday really. God I never knew you were such a fool. I mean look at you. With your puffy, red eyes and that pale, pathetic face. It's any wonder why you're still alive as far as I'm concerned. Let's get on with it, shall we? You know you wanna do it. Just feel the tingling sensation. Feels good, don't it? C'mon sweety. End that hunger...just start now. No one will ever know. Take it one step at a time. Slow and easy...just the way you like it. Patience is a virtue my friend especially in this case. Open it up and there ya go. That's it. Not too deep though. You can almost feel lighter. Like air..._


	4. Pushing You Away

**hope you've liked it so far. any way, Mya's brother Rey will pop in this chapter who i based upon Rey Mysterio without the mask of course. expect some flashbacks from Dwayne's past to give you a little insight on what happened in his life.**

Early the next morning, Dwayne woke up suddenly only to find Mya still sound asleep beside him. He sighed with relief knowing that she was still there. 'She looks so peaceful, almost like an angel. I can't imagine someone like her hurting as much as she does. It must be killing her just holding it all inside. Why won't she just open up to me?'

He brushed some hair out of her face while she took a deep breath. Her eyes were still a little puffy from all the crying she did the night before. Something he noticed on the front of her sweater caught his eye almost instantly. 'What is that? Is that...whoa wait a second. That's not what I think it is, is it?'

Mya slowly opened her eyes while Dwayne figured out what she had done. "Morning," she said while blinking the sleep out of her eyes.

"Morning sleepy head. You sleep good?"

"Yeah especially after I knew that you were here with me. Made me feel a little better."

"Glad I could help sweety. Are you sure you're ok though? You seemed a little upset after that nightmare you had."

She sat up while trying so hard to forget last night. "Oh, it was nothing. Just a little bad dream that's all."

"Well it didn't look like just a bad dream to me. You were almost hysterical after I woke you up. Are you sure you don't want to tell me about it?"

"Naw. It was nothing. I just...forgot where I was that's all."

Deep down inside he knew what he wanted to ask but was afraid that she'd shut him out again. "That wasn't the first time, was it?"

She looked at him with a puzzled look on her face. "First time for what?"

"You know what I'm talking about. That wasn't the first time he hit you, was it?"

This almost took her totally off guard. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she replied trying to cover up her fear. _Oh no. Looks like someone is smarter than you thought._

"C'mon Mya. I knew that story you told me was only half the truth and judging by the look on your face, you know I'm right. I know it may seem like I'm pushing but..."

"But what?"

"Believe it or not, I do care. Haven't you figured that out yet?"

"Yes I have but it's none of your business. Just drop it, ok? I don't want to talk about it and that's that. Is that so hard to understand?"

He sat up suddenly. "Why? Did I strike a nerve?"

"I said drop it, ok? I don't feel like talking about it right now." She quickly got out of bed and went straight to the bathroom to collect herself.

"Ok I just made an ass out of myself," he exclaimed while kicking himself for pushing too much. 'I really need to know when to keep my mouth shut.'

Meanwhile in the bathroom, Mya splashed some water on her face while trying to calm down. 'I'm not gonna do it. Not now. I swear this is it. No more! I can't take this living in silence shit. I'm gonna stop.' _You actually think you're gonna be able to quit. Just like that? Oh we'll see..._

She walked out the bathroom door and sat next to Dwayne while taking in a deep sigh. "You're right. You are absolutely right. I haven't been straight up with you and I apologize for that. It's just been awhile since I've trusted anyone especially with what I'm about to tell you."

"Ok and you don't have to apologize. I can understand why you didn't say anything."

She couldn't force herself to look into his concerned eyes but she did it any way. "Oh really?"

He turned towards her and put his hands on her shoulders. "You have a right to not tell me everything. I'm gonna honor that and just tell me when you are ready to, ok? With what I said earlier, I don't want to force you into telling me."

'Why does he have to make this harder than it already is? What the hell am I gonna do now?' _I would suggest something but you so-called quit so that's out. But if you cheat a little... _

"Thanks for your concern and all but this needs to be said," she sighed again trying to control her emotions before speaking again. "What I told you yesterday was only a half truth. The relationship went on for about 2 years actually but for me, it seemed like an eternity. It was hell for many reasons. I'm not sure what started it but after the first year, he started to become...abusive. I kept thinking that if I didn't set him off that maybe he would stop but I was so wrong. It got to the point that I was so isolated from everyone that I had no one to turn to. His father would even threaten me if he saw me talking to anyone about what was going on. I was practically being spied on by either him or his dad. The day I ended up in the hospital wasn't the first time. It had been one of many occasions. I even tried to kill myself twice to escape the torture but I was punished for that too. God I hated my life so much. I still do because every night I'm constantly haunted by nightmares and visions of what happened. Sometimes I think that I deserved every bit of what he did to me for being so stupid."

"Don't you ever say that. You didn't deserve any of it. He must've been a fool for not knowing how to treat someone like you. You are so much more than what he made you out to be," he replied while caressing her cheek.

She moved her face away from his hand. "You don't mean that," she said while putting her back to him so he couldn't see the tears forming in her eyes.

He seemed puzzled by her response but quickly shook that from his mind. "Why wouldn't I," he questioned.

"Because you're probably just saying that to make me feel better about myself." She quickly got up and started to get dressed.

"Mya? Mya, look at me," he said as he walked over to where she was.

She slowly turned to face him. "How do I know that you won't hurt me?"

"Because I would never do that to a woman who deserves so much more. As special as you are, you need to be cherished and loved like the person you truly are."

"Why do you care so much? You don't even know me," she questioned.

"I care because what I see is a woman who deserves to know what love can be. I also know enough about you to see that you are so afraid to trust someone that it just eats you up inside. You can't hide from it. You just push it down inside like it doesn't bother you when in reality it does, almost to the point of self destruction."

'If you only knew about that one.'

"What do you want? What does Mya want," he whispered as she tried so hard not to cry.

"I want it to stop. I want everything to just stop so I can finally have some sort of peace. Is that too much to ask for?"

"What do you want to stop sweety?"

She felt a tear slowly slide down her cheek as she spoke. "The nightmares...my pain, everything. I don't deserve this. I hate it. God I hate myself so much."

"Why do you hate yourself? I'm not sure I understand."

She wiped the tear off her cheek with the sleeve of her sweater. "It's ok. No one understands but me. That's my curse I guess."

"The abuse was just the start, wasn't it? Through it all, everything around you didn't seem real. You couldn't help but feel lost in all of this. It got to you, didn't it? Please correct me if I'm wrong or stop me if I've stepped over the line here," he stated while watching her think it over.

Her voice seemed to tremble a little as she spoke. "You're right. I was dumb enough to let it continue to happen. I thought he loved me. That's the reason for all that I went through. God I'm so stupid."

Deep inside she knew she couldn't keep all the pain pent up any more so she broke down again but only this time, really trying to let go of her horrible past. She rested her head on Dwayne's chest which prompted him to put his arms around her trembling body.

"Oh God help me. Please help me," she whimpered.

"Hush now sweety. I'll do what I can. I promise."

"It was so h-horrible. Every thing I ever did...it meant nothing. He almost killed me for God's sake but I kept coming back to him. I-I had no one else t-to..."

He tried so hard to calm her but he wasn't sure if he should asked the one question that bothered him inside. "Mya, did he ever try to...force himself on you?"

All she could do was cry harder after the question was asked. "Oh God Mya, I had no idea. Sshh it's ok. Just let it all out, alright? You're gonna be fine. Trust me."

_That's right sweety. Let it all out. You must take him for a fool the way you're acting right now. Like I told you before, you can't quit no matter how hard you try. It will always come back. I promise you_.

The whole time he held her, his heart seemed to ache more and more. Knowing all that she went through sent so many emotions through him, he wanted to do everything in his power to keep her safe. He wanted to protect her as best he could and try so hard not to...fall for her. He knew exactly what being hurt felt like but that didn't matter now. All that mattered was Mya and helping her heal. The hard part was letting himself find some sort of peace without having to open his heart up also. Who knew how long that would last. 'Should I ask her about the blood I saw on her sleeve last night or what I saw earlier while she was sleeping? What is she trying so hard to hide?'

She wasn't sure was what going on but time seemed to have stopped at that very moment. All she could hear were the ongoing, painful sobs that wracked her frail body and his steady breathing which seemed to soothe her. Feeling this safe in the arms of a complete stranger made her feel somewhat scared but that thought was quickly washed away along with her tears. Never in her life had she been so open about her past even though she wanted to keep her other secret hidden. Telling him might shatter this moment and she wasn't going to take that chance, not now. Not when she felt needed and...protected. The world could crumble around them but as long as he held her close then nothing else mattered.

Suddenly she snapped out of it and pulled away from him. "I-I'm sorry I did that again. I guess I can't seem to control my emotions that well any more," she said while trying to dry her tear stained face.

"You have no reason to apologize for something that comes natural especially when you're in that kind of pain."

"Why do you care any way? I'm not some sympathy case, you know?" she exclaimed while getting ready to leave.

"I don't think of you as some sympathy case. That's not why I stopped and talked to you. Why do you always get defensive when you open up to me? What are you so afraid of?"

_C'mon Mya. Tell him what you are just so damn afraid of. I wonder what his reaction will be._

Silence passed between them which seemed like forever until he heard her sigh before she spoke. "Do you really wanna know? Will you finally be satisfied," she finally managed to say while her back was turned. "There is so much that you don't know about me. Just because I told you a part of my life, doesn't mean you know everything. I'm more of a danger to you than you realize. Thanks for letting me stay here last night. I really appreciate it. It's been a while since I actually felt...safe. If you'll excuse me, I need to get back to my place." She didn't get far when Dwayne decided to ask her one last thing.

"Mya wait please. What do you mean you're more of a danger to me than I realize? Is that supposed to mean something," he questioned not really sure about what her answer will be.

"I don't expect you to understand, ok? The longer I stay here...I'm sorry. I need to go," while she opened the door.

"No! I refuse to believe what you just said. Please tell me what's wrong."

"I can't, ok! Just please leave me alone. You don't need someone like me in your life right now. I"m sorry." With that being said, she shut the door behind her.

Of course he wasn't gonna take this lying down so he decided to follow her. He waited 'til she was a good distance away from his apartment when he made his move.

She didn't really care if he followed her. She just wanted to get home as soon as possible so she could be alone. It didn't take her very long since she was too busy trying to figure out why she said all those things just to keep Dwayne at a distance.

'Why must he press my buttons when he doesn't know the first thing about me? Who does he think he is? Maybe it was a mistake to stay with him last night.'

_Just admit the fact that you didn't want him to find out about our little secret even though he probably knew any way since you are just getting so damn sloppy. Don't blame me on that one honey. Just look in the mirror and you'll find out who the real fool is._

'Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! Will you please just leave me alone! It wasn't my fault, alright?' _Oh you say that now like you really mean it. _'I do mean it. You think I want to relive the hell I went through with Paul? If you honestly think that, you are so sadly mistaken!'

_Unlike you, I don't blame others for my own damn issues. You are the one who made the first cut. I just reminded you how good it felt for all your pain to be washed away like it meant nothing. How soon we forget who's in control here. _

'Please leave me alone. Let me have some sort of peace. I already told you that I quit! No more of this sick game of yours. I'm through!'

_You say that now but when the urge comes back, we'll just see who's the strong one._

'I'll make you go away. I can promise you that. Just wait and see.'

_What are you gonna do to make it stop? Scratch your arms with your nails? Punch yourself in the forehead? Perhaps maybe the wall? Pull your hair! Take your best shot. Oh yeah like that's really gonna work honey. You are a pitiful excuse for a human being! Admit it already! Just like your father who would drink away his problems so he wouldn't have to suffer any more. Who knew you would be just like him. _

_'_I am nothing like him, do you understand me? We were nothing alike.'

_Oh save the sob story for someone who cares. Like I've said so many times, admitting the truth is the hardest thing than denying what you are..._

Not too far away, Dwayne continued to follow her till she went up to her small apartment. He watched as she seemed to be fighting something that was so strong, she could barely walk. This puzzled him at first but then he remembered she acted the same way at the coffee house yesterday evening. The erratic body language, the shifting eyes, everything was eerily familiar. He didn't dare follow her the rest of the way because he didn't want to startle her even more. 'I'll let her have some time to herself for now but I'll come back in the morning just to see if she's alright. This is getting too weird. What is she so afraid of to start acting like that? Hopefully I can find out before something bad happens. I hope and pray that it doesn't.'

Her hands couldn't stop shaking as she opened the door to her place. Quiet and dark is how she liked it which is exactly how the room appeared to be. Closing the door seemed to take almost all her strength. She stumbled to the fridge and found exactly what she had been looking for, a bottle of wine. 'I'm nothing like my father. I never was.' Convincing herself that this was true seemed to ease the emptiness inside but not enough to feel better. Twisting the cap off wasn't too hard and finally feeling the cold, bitter liquid wash down her throat seemed to numb everything inside. Her surroundings felt warm and fuzzy unlike the cold, harsh reality that she was so used to. It could possibly take the whole bottle to satisfy her hunger which would do for now. Anything to shut that voice up even if it would be for a few moments. Things appeared to be settling down 'til hearing her phone ring almost made her drop it. The answering machine picked it up immediately and she could hear a faint voice on the other end. 'Could it be...Rey? No it couldn't be, could it? If so, how in the hell did he get my number?' She waited until he hang up and she played the message over.

"Mya, it's Rey. Please pick up. I really need to talk to you. Mya I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to...sigh when David told me about what Paul did to you, I just lost control. Yes I was angry that you didn't come to me first about the whole situation but I was also hurt that you had been going through that shit for so long without saying a word to anyone. Listen, I'm sorry that I wasted your time and all but if you get the chance...don't hesitate to call me. I miss you. Bye."

Time seemed to stop as she continued to listen to Rey's words over and over again. Memories rushed back like a wave which made her practically drown herself in the bottle. Knowing how big of a screw up she had become made her feel even more pathetic. Drink after drink brought back the whole burden as if it never left. She barely made it to her bed before passing out on the floor from exhaustion. Flashes invaded her dreams and this time, she couldn't escape the unbearable pain of it all.

**"Mya, can I please talk to you for a sec?" **

**"Yeah Rey. What's up?"**

**"David told me about what happened between you and Paul. How could you not tell me about this? I'm your brother for God's sake! I have a right to know." **

**"Excuse me! I'm not a little girl any more. I don't have to run every little thing by you just to see if you approve of it. This is my life Rey! If I don't feel like telling you certain things then I won't and besides it's none of your damn business!"**

**"Don't play this off like some damn game. How can you hide the fact that he beats you?" **

**"Whoa hold the fuck up! He doesn't beat me, alright? I'm...just clumsy that's all." **

**"Bullshit! Look at your face mi jiha. You are gonna just stand there and tell me that he's never hit you when you have that bruise on your face?" **

**"Just leave me alone, alright? I don't need this shit from you right now." **

**"You can't run from this. One way or another, that bastard is gonna pay if he ever lays a finger on you again. You understand me?" **

**"Yes mother."**

**"If you want to believe this or not is up to you but I do care about you. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you."**

**"Yeah right. Get outta my way." (she walked away not knowing that it would be the last time that she would ever trust anyone with this burden. she couldn't turn to David or Rey since they totally freaked out about it.) "Who knew Paul was right. I can't trust anyone." (that was the start of it all. discovering her self destructive side happened only by accident. maybe she was destined to live this way. you live by the sword, you DIE by the sword...)**

"NO," she screamed as she awoke from her drunken slumber. She tried to clear her vision as pain shot through her head. "Damn hang over." The blurry image beside her was the empty wine bottle that she indulged in hours earlier. The room seemed to be even darker than when she first arrived which told her that it was already late in the evening. She struggled to sit up while trying not to make herself even more dizzy. "How long was I out?" Looking at the glowing, red numbers of her clock said it all which read 6:30pm. "Damn. I've been on the floor for that long? Shit I guess that wine did the trick. Ow! Freakin' headache." Moving as slow as she could without getting sick took almost all her strength. "I better get cleaned up before I make an even bigger mess," she slurred while dragging herself into the bathroom.

Her reflection didn't make her stomach feel any better. The sweater she still had on was covered with fuzz from the carpet, her eyes were swollen and bloodshot that made the circles underneath them appear darker, her dark hair looked fried and full of static. "If I didn't know any better, I could pass for a corpse."

_You think you're so damn smart, don't you? I mean look at the pathetic state you're in. My Lord, you must love suffering like this. Am I right or am I getting warm?_

"You don't know anything, do you hear me? Not a damn thing! God I feel sick already." She moved slowly towards the toilet as the dry heaves hit her body with such brutal force. The contents didn't stay in her stomach for long as she griped the lid with her sweaty hands.

_You know it doesn't take much to run from your past. Forgetfulness goes along with the images of that horrible time, remember? Trying to think of life before going to hell should make you feel somewhat better. Of course my question is, do you truly love destroying yourself like this or am I just imagining things?_

'Maybe you're right. I surely don't know any more so how do I expect anyone else to? What the hell went so wrong that I'm stuck here in this sickening moment just puking my brains out?' She leaned against the wall while sitting on the cold tile floor trying to make sense of it all. Her heart was racing while everything around her seemed to be spinning out of control. Closing her dreary eyes helped some but not much to aid the emptiness inside. The gaping hole in her heart from so-called love and the chaos that followed afterwards. Nothing made sense any more. Time just seemed to drag on like there was no tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Dwayne felt the same type of emptiness which seemed to echo as loud as a scream. Fighting a losing battle wasn't easy but that's something he's had to live with since... Looking at Mya reminded him how it felt to be so broken and lost that fear consumed every particle of your being. Not really sure where to go for help and so on. Living in the shadows with the unrelenting pain of the past. Remembering those nights sitting here with only his own company to keep. The arguments just kept screaming through his mind. Feelings of worthlessness and never ending numbness shot down his spine. It seemed like yesterday even though it was years ago.

He had his own demons to fight and seeing her in his mind over and over again didn't make the situation any easier. Secrets were hard to keep and she seemed to be hiding something that must have left her feeling so torn. The way she got defensive when he asked her about the red stain on her sweater, talking about her past and the hellish relationship she went through. Things just didn't seem right. 'What the hell am I supposed to do now?' While having so many things run through his mind made him drift off into a restless sleep.

**"Was there ever a time that you did love me?"**

**"Please don't ask me that, alright?" **

**"Just answer the damn question! Please...I just need to know."**

**"Yes. I did love you at one time but it's different now. I thought you knew that." **

**"How the hell am I supposed to know when you won't talk to me?" **

**"You wanna know the truth?" **

**"Uh that would be a little comforting, yeah." **

**"Do you think I planned it this way? I didn't expect you to turn into a total stranger over night and you weren't gone so damn much that..."**

**"That what? You decided to find another man to give you something that I couldn't?"**

**"It wasn't like that I swear." **

**"Then what the hell was it like! Tell me because...I'm not sure what to think any more." **

**"You changed and so did I but you were so wrapped up in other things that you didn't even realize it. I just think it would be better if we split up. I don't know if I can take this any more." **

**"Oh so you leave me so you can find that asshole that you slept with? Nice move and I mean damn, it makes me feel a whole lot better." **

**"If things were different...you know I would stay but that's not possible now." **

**"Yeah, yeah. Just get the fuck out. I hope you're happy with...him. May he can give you something that I couldn't in the whole 5 years we were together!" (he slammed the door in her face. it took everything he had to keep from punching a hole in the wall. all he could do was just lean against the cold door and cry his heart out. not only did he feel betrayed but what could he have done? how in the hell did it get this way? he felt his whole body go numb as he dragged himself to the bathroom. he picked his head up and stared at his reflection for what seemed like forever. as the tears streamed down his cheeks, he could feel the anger building inside him. without warning, he punched the mirror with all his might. now the image reflected how he felt inside...broken.)**

He awoke suddenly with most of the painful memories flooding back into his mind. His dream was something that he tried so hard to forget yet somehow it always came back to haunt him. Perhaps that was his punishment for not being the man she needed. Things were so surreal at the time that it was hard to tell if anything was wrong. Then it all came to a screeching halt. One mistake changed everything and he couldn't help but blame himself for it. Drinking, taking pills, sleeping, even his attempt at making everything stop didn't help. Nothing seemed to work and that's what made him shut down almost completely. When you show no emotion towards anyone, it'll limit your chances of getting hurt or at least that's what he thought for so many years. What made Mya so different? Even he couldn't answer that question or did he even want to?

_How long are you planning to stay in here sweety? What will it take for you to realize that love is just something that keeps you down? It's something that literally takes a part of you away that cannot be replaced. Oh I forgot, you chose to forget all that I've said by either drinking or spending more time in here puking your brains out. Now who's fault is that?_

"Just leave me alone, alright? I'm hurt enough as it is and your constant lectures aren't making me feel any better. I already know that life sucks and that I chose the path of self destruction but you forget that I was pushed to that point. I had to feel something 'cause back then, I didn't feel a damn thing and you know it!"

_Why don't you stop it then! Not very easy, now is it? Remember the last time you tried to quit? Had the shakes for God knows how long, you couldn't sleep or eat, you practically couldn't function. But oh yeah, you told me earlier that it's quittin' time again. Don't give me that bullshit! I'm a whole lot smarter than you think I am. I know what you need, what you crave day and night. It won't leave you alone unless you give into it._

Listening to all that was said didn't change how she felt on the inside. Giving in to the addiction could mean that she was a failure. Quitting could mean that she was strong and could handle it. 'I can't do this alone. But why even bother drifting back to that thought. Perhaps he really does care but is he willing to help me, secret or no?' Maybe Dwayne could help her but how could she know for sure without actually talking to him about it? 'Why do I even care any way?'

With all her strength, she slowly stood up and moved towards the sink. She turned the cold water on and splashed some on her face. 'Just think, I even said that this would never happen again and now just look at me.' Viewing her reflection in the mirror yet again made her stomach churn even more. The lifeless eyes, the black circles to go along with the constant puffiness, her skin looking so pale that it almost appeared florescent, and her hair appeared dry and practically dead.

_Not even worth looking in the mirror I see. Now who is to blame for that honey? Even if you succeed with him, it'll never last. No one will love you as much as I do_.

"All you want to do is slowly watch me self destruct. That's all you've been doing since this whole thing started. The one thing I won't do is finish what you made me start last night. I am not going through with it, you understand me!"

_You say that now but do you really mean it? It was useless fighting any way._


	5. A Visit

"I just don't understand why I can't stop thinking about her. I'm not even sure if she's ok or not. What makes her so different? If there was some way I could know...then maybe I can do the right thing. What the hell am I saying! I'm not even sure what that is."

Dwayne couldn't even think straight. No matter what he thought of, his thoughts seemed to drift back to her. He wasn't sure if he was going crazy or what. After that dream, he couldn't go back to sleep without thinking about...her. To him, it didn't make sense or perhaps it wasn't mean to. Going through all that drama with his previous relationship practically sucked the life out of him. He swore that he would never make the same mistake again but here he was worrying about someone he just met. 'I'll just give her some time. Hopefully things will be a whole lot clearer in the morning.'

The next morning came as quickly as the night did. Mya slowly turned over and stumbled to the bathroom yet again but only this time, she was going to take a shower. 'Maybe a warm shower will help me get rid of this damn headache.'

It didn't take long for her to get in while feeling the warm water on her skin. She felt her cuts start to sting as it ran down her arms and chest. It was almost soothing in a way but she quickly shook that thought away. Guilt is something that she couldn't help but feel especially since she left Dwayne's apartment so suddenly. 'I didn't mean to do what I did yesterday but I felt I had to protect him. I had no choice. Why get involved with someone who...ah forget it.' _Please, please do._

In the beginning, her addiction had become just a release after Paul degraded and beat her. A little bit at a time so that he wouldn't suspect anything was the plan. To hide from the horror of it all was well worth it. She couldn't have predicted how out of hand it would become. Life and death blurred together in a sick, twisted sort of way that eventually became her world. Now this curse was how she survived from day to day. Without it, God only knows what would happen to her which was very tough to think about since it made her sick inside.

She quietly finished up in the shower and dried herself off. Being so preoccupied with her thoughts, she didn't hear someone knocking at the front door. It wasn't until the second time that she finally heard it. 'Who in the hell could that be?' "Just a second," she called out while putting something on very quickly. After checking to see if she looked half way decent, she slowly made her way to the door. Looking through the peep hole, her jaw practically hit the floor when she saw Dwayne waiting patiently outside. 'What the hell is this? How did he know where I lived any way?' "What do you want," she yelled through the door.

"I just wanna talk. I was really worried about you last night. I really wasn't sure what happened 'cause you left so suddenly. Can I come in or do you want me to leave you alone?"

_Looks like a lost puppy._ "You're already here so come on in."

She unlocked the door and let him in. "You better make this quick," she said while he paced the floor.

"Listen I want you to at least hear me out on this, ok?"

"Alright. Start talking." She stood a few feet from him with her arms crossed.

"I know what it feels like to be hurt by someone you thought you knew. To feel like life is not worth living any more so you do everything in your power to try to make it stop. You push everyone away, you just want to be alone with your misery even though your heart is crying out for help. To feel like your whole world just fell apart and you can't help but blame yourself for all the bullshit. I know what you're going through and I want to help you but only if you'll let me."

She couldn't help but smirk at his comment. "So you think you know what it feels like to be me, huh? Boy you got some nerve. How did you know where I lived? Oh yes you must've followed me yesterday. I guess I really need to be careful. I already told you that I'm not some charity case."

"Don't you think that I know that? Whether you want to admit it or not, you're hurting and you need someone to help you. Why do you have to be so damn stubborn and defensive about this," he said while she brushed past him.

"Please spare me the preachin' crap, ok? I think I've heard just about enough from you."

He turned around to face her. "You ever thought about it?"

That question seemed to stop her dead in her tracks. "Thought about what? If it's about kicking you out, oh yeah buddy."

"That's not what I meant. How come I have this feeling that you do know? Is there something that you're not telling me," he questioned as she slowly turned to face him.

_This sound like a trap. If I know you, you'll probably fall for it._ "What makes you think that you know anything about what I went through and what's with the fifty questions all of a sudden? I told you enough about me."

"I don't accept that."

"Well that's too damn bad then. That's just the way life is so get used to it." 'Please go away. If you stay any longer, I'll tell you...that I have done it. I didn't have time to think about it. I just did, ok? That's why my life is such a mess right now.'

There was an eerie silence that echoed in the room after she spoke. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to say after all. She decided to change the subject so it wouldn't be so quiet. "If you'll excuse me, I need to dry my hair. You can stay if you want unless you want to argue with me some more."

Dwayne cleared his throat. "I just have one thing to ask and I want the truth this time. No more games or half truths. Enough of that, ok," he said.

She crossed her arms nervously. "Ok then. Go ahead."

He paced for a little bit before asking his question since he was trying to find a way of not offending her or pissing her off even more. "Ever since your little episode at the coffee shop, this has really been bothering me. At first I thought it was nothing but then I noticed it again when you freaked out about it. didn't want to be nosey about it so I just let it slide but then I saw what confirmed my fears last night. Do you purposely hurt yourself or something," he questioned.

_Well damn it looks like someone got caught. My suspicions where right all along. To tell you the honest truth I didn't think you were that obvious. I'd love to hear the story that's gonna cover up this. Entertain me please. I deserve at least that much._

Her breath got caught in her throat as she tried so hard to answer. Should she lie once again or just tell him the truth? 'You already know straight up that he wouldn't understand if you tried to explain it to him. Knowing my luck, he'd probably get angry and leave. Do I really need help like he keeps trying to tell me? I'm not that helpless, am I?' She could feel his eyes burning into her but refused to meet his observing gaze. Enough silence passed between them that you could almost hear a pin drop. Finally she had enough courage to speak up. "Even if I did try to explain it, you wouldn't be able to understand. To be able to do that, you would have to be me which you're not," she whispered as she rubbed her hands together nervously.

He wasn't quite sure what to think. Deep down he knew she wasn't denying it this time but he still wanted to know more. He just wasn't sure how to ask without having her space out again. "Why wouldn't I understand?" As he took a step towards her, he could clearly see that she was trying not to cry.

Her voice sounded a little shaky as she answered him. "Because no one else does. That's just how it is." _Yeah because only we do, right honey?_

"I'm not just anybody sweety. Will you help me understand," he whispered as he gently put his hands on her arms.

"You can't fix me and besides, I'm not broken."

Slowly he pulled her into an embrace as she felt a solitary tear run down her cheek.

_Must we go through this again? Face the facts here please. He will never understand no matter what you try to do or say. You know I hate having to repeat myself._

"It's not that bad, is it," he asked as she let out a sigh.

Just remembering how good it felt almost made her sick. She quickly shook that thought out of her mind. "You have no idea. Words can't explain what it's like," she whispered, not quite sure if he heard her.

"What will make all this go away?"

_How bout you leaving us alone! That would be a nice start._ She pulled from his embrace and went to her bedroom. At first he was confused by her sudden action but had to follow. Deep down he couldn't explain why so he let his instincts take over. He watched as she slowly sat the bed and just stared straight ahead. She seemed to be in a trance. As he took a step towards her, she took a deep, shaky breath. "This has been my prison, my own personal hell. I can't remember the last time I smiled here. I've hurt for so long that...I don't deserve this. I just don't. I mean why does shit like this have to happen to me? Am I cursed or something?"

He sat next to her when she paused, feeling her pain as it appeared to be suffocating her. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes but quickly blinked them away and continued. "I'm not sure what happiness is any more. It's just a damn word as far as I'm concerned. The worst part of it is that the hurt never goes away. It just builds and builds 'til I feel like I can't take it. Sometimes I think that this is punishment for...not listening to the people I cared about. They could clearly see that I wasn't myself but I didn't want to believe it. God knows how long the denial stayed with me 'til I finally realized...by then it was too late for me. No one could save me from what I got myself into and now I'm suffering because of it. Just looking at myself makes me feel sick to my stomach. I'm not even the same person I was before. Has everyone turned their back on me! Why can't I just die and get it over with? At least it would stop, I wouldn't have to suffer like this any more. Besides who would care any way?" _That's right my sweet. Just accept the inevitable and let's get on with it._

Dwayne couldn't believe what he just heard. Why would she want to just give up and die? So many questions were running through his mind, he didn't know where to start. He felt somewhat confused but secretly understood what she was going through. The hopelessness, the guilt, the self hatred, all of it. It was enough to drive anyone crazy or in Mya's case, near the edge of darkness itself. Should he confess his sins as well to reassure her that she can go on? Would it even be the right thing to do? He shuddered to think about what lied ahead for her. 'If she's at the end of her rope then...it doesn't have to end like that. I won't let that happen.'

_Just look at the expression on his face sweety. I think you actually blew him away with this one. I applaud the effort, I really do. You almost had me fooled there for a minute. Like I told you millions of times before, accepting what you are is only half the battle._ 'He needs to know everything. I can't lie any more. I'm sick of it! I can't live like this.' _Then give up while you still have the chance. Don't get too involved with this because there will be serious consequences if you don't._ 'No, I don't believe that. I'm not listening to you any more. You've run my life long enough. It's over! I'm going with what my heart tells me to do this time.' _Fine then. Don't blame me when you fall on your face AGAIN!. Just wait and see. Payback is SO going to be a bitch..._

Mya seemed so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she forgot that Dwayne was sitting next to her. She didn't feel his hand on her shoulder as he tried to find the right words to say. The silence in the room was almost too much bear. Something inside her wanted to just scream all her misery away so it would ease the dull ache she felt in her chest. That had been there since this all started. Just made her feel even more alone and helpless. There were times that she would hide inside herself just to escape the harsh reality of the world. Almost like she was imprisoned in a dark cave with no way out. Nothing but the hollow, never ending darkness which would engulf her tortured soul only if she let it. No one deserved this treatment except for her. Something that she couldn't explain, just felt over and over again as each day went by. The one thing that would stop all of this was the evil that haunted her dreams night after night. She just couldn't bring herself to that level ever again.

To clear the air, Dwayne decided to change the subject a little. "Can I ask you something?"

She let out a deep, labored sigh. "Sure."

He decided to choose his words wisely since she seemed out of touch with what was going on. "Did you...when did you know that he didn't really love you?"

The question sent a chill down her spine. She wasn't sure how to answer without breaking down again. "At first I was kinda in denial about the whole thing and I thought he just had problems expressing his emotions. What really confirmed my fears happened during our last night together. He kept hurting me and I wanted to know why so he told me. Explained every thing especially on how he used me just to get what he wanted. A part of me was devastated but since I already knew, why mourn the loss of something that never was, right? His words haunted me for countless nights 'til I couldn't fight it any more. I took a whole bunch of pills and passed out. Ironically around that time, my best friend David came to check on me. He noticed that no one answered as he knocked numerous times so he used a spare key I gave him. That's when he found me and rushed me to the hospital. After I finally woke up, boy was he mad? We exchanged a few harsh words and that was the end of that. I didn't need anyone telling me crap that I already knew."

"You see, David was pissed off because I decided to give up. He didn't understand why. That was my fault since I didn't tell anyone about how...lost I was. I know deep down he felt that I had betrayed not only him but everyone I ever cared about. I guess you can say that it was one of my many low points from that day on. It just kept getting darker and darker," she said while holding back as many tears as she could. To her it wasn't worth reliving again. It just made her appear weak which wasn't far from the truth in her case. 'Damn these emotions. Why doesn't he just leave?'

"It's ok to cry, you know. Believe me, I definitely know all about that," he replied.

"I think I've cried enough to last me a few lifetimes. So thanks any way."

Slowly taking his hand off her shoulder, he quietly cleared his throat. If he needed to tell her why he came here, now is definitely the best time. "I have a confession to make. The main reason I came here is to admit something that's taken me a very long time to forget."

Mya let out a dry laugh. "Let me guess. You're married? That's all I need right now. Of course for me, I usually get the nice yet unavailable men or stupid assholes who've tried to control me. Just my damn luck."

He couldn't help but chuckle at this. "What? No, that's not it at all. I am not married nor, the last time I checked, a stupid asshole who wants to control your life. I'm not sure where that came from but it's way off of what I was about to say."

She could feel her cheeks slowly turning a shade of red. 'God what an idiot! Could I possibly make a bigger ass out of myself?' "Oh. I'm sorry, I mean I really am. Sometimes I just shoot my mouth off without even thinking. Force of habit really. I hope I didn't offend you or anything like that, did I?"

It was kinda hard not being able to wipe the huge smile off his face. "Of course not sweety. It's cool. Just caught me off guard that's all. Any way, I was going to tell you about why I came here. It's taken me a while to get over this particularly tough moment but I just want you to understand that you are not alone in this. You with me so far?"

She slowly shook her head yes.

"A while back, I was involved in a very serious relationship. We had been together for almost 5 years and I had planned to get married but...just to make a long story short, uh things didn't work out like I had hoped. My job kept me away for long periods of time and I rarely got to see her when I was home. I had so much stuff in front of me but what I wasn't prepared for was...betrayal. You see, I planned a special surprise for our anniversary so I rushed home early and wanted to get things just right before she got home from work. Little did I know that I would be the one who would be surprised." He paused for a moment as if to collect himself. "I remember coming home and I was going to make reservations to our favorite restaurant. Right before I got to the phone, I could have sworn I heard a strange noise. It was faint at first so I ignored it, of course, but it slowly started to get louder. I searched practically every where just to see where it was coming from...well at least 'til I walked towards the bedroom."

Mya couldn't help but notice how shallow his breathing had become as he continued talking. He seemed to be taking more deep breaths and his hands seemed to tremble a little. Could it be from anger or from something much deeper? For some strange reason it pained her to see him in this vulnerable state. 'He's practically wide open and all because he wants me to do understand that I'm not alone. Why is he doing this? Better yet, why am I starting to care? I'm not going soft, am I?'

After pausing yet again, he continued his painful tale. "The closer I got to the door, the noise got much louder and I started to hear whispering. It took me a while to just crack the door open but I knew I had to no matter how painful it was. I don't feel like going into much detail but you can imagine what I saw going on in front of my very eyes. Boy was I surprised? I mean it's not every day that you come home and find your girlfriend in bed with another man. Little did I realize that 'the other man' turned out to be one of my best friends. Talk about a wake up call. The last thing I remember was just backing away from the door in total shock. I just couldn't believe it. I slowly but surely left our apartment and went to a place where I could at least clear my head. So much shit was running through my mind at that time but deep down I already knew it was over. Out of everything that I sacrificed just to have a better life and give her everything she ever wanted, that little moment was payback. How it ended is just a blur to me now. Never in my life have I ever felt so hurt and angry. The aftermath of it all was pretty ugly. I fell into the deepest depression and I did everything in order to dull the pain. I drank, took whatever drug I could get my hands on, I refused to talk to anyone, shit I even tried to kill myself. That was a very dark period for me. I never thought in a million years that I would find redemption but I did. I just want you to know that you can find it too. Just don't give up."

'Redemption? Why in the hell would I want that after all I've done?' "Why are you telling me this," she whispered while trying to keep her composure.

"My point in all this is to show you that you can't just give up. You've got way too much to live for even if you don't realize it yet. What is so hard to understand?" He seemed confused at why she would ask that. Had he gotten through to her or is she getting defensive again?

"You would never understand why it's so damn hard for me. I know you mean well but...for me it's not that easy to forget about what's been done. To have to live with it every single day. To know that through it all, you ended up the loser and look where it's put you. I am alone and I'm not afraid to admit it. It was my fault to begin with but I just couldn't see it. No one understood the consequences of my actions but me yet I still played my part. You know what's even more sickening? I just didn't care. I didn't care about what was going on or how many bruises I had. The only thing I gave a damn about was the fact that even for a split second, I knew what love was. Yeah I got put down and felt worthless but at least I had someone who cared for me. So what if he betrayed me in the end and all my friends and family turned against me! I just know one thing is for certain. When the dust settled, I was nothing more than love's bitch. Just used and abused only to be left with the fuckin' memory of it all which is exactly what I deserve," she said as tears began streaming down her cheeks. 'What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I acting like this? What is so wrong that I can't see what's right in front of me! Fuck just leave me alone, please!'

After that outburst, Dwayne was left speechless. He had no idea how it truly affected her till now. Seeing the pain in her eyes as she spoke really struck a cord in him. He couldn't explain why. Now he understood why her pain was ripping her apart and why she kept it hidden. She just wanted to be safe from further harm. He felt confused at first but now he started to understand. That just wanted to make him help her even more. 'Why does she have to make this so damn difficult? She needs to stop pushing me away so I can help her. I wish I knew how to stop her pain. I just wish I knew.'

"Why do you keep doing this? I mean one minute you're opening up and then the next, you get all defensive on me again. What is your deal? Is there something else that you're not telling me? This is not worth keeping inside, not any more. Look what it's doing to you! Just please, stop pushing me away," he whispered, hoping his comforting words might work this time.

After the tears seemed to stop, she knew that she needed to confess another thing that she kept in the dark. Not her deadly secret but what truly drove her to where she was at. "There is one more thing. God I...I thought this would go away but...it didn't. You see, after i overdosed I found out some earth shattering news that even I had no idea about. Why do you have to be so damn persistent? I mean you could've left this alone but no! You just had to get this out of me. Fuckin' tears," as she wiped her cheeks furiously, trying to get rid of all the fallen tears. "After they looked me over and all that crap, one of the nurses told me that I had a miscarriage. I was like what! A miscarriage? I didn't even know I was pregnant for God's sake so how can I have a miscarriage? The news just blew me the fuck away since I had no clue about what was going on. That is what finally broke me. That's why I pushed everyone out of my life. There, you happy? You practically know everything a-about me n-now."

_But what about the cuts dear? You forgot to tell him about those but oh yeah I forgot. No one needs to know about that, am I right? Give me a damn break! Who do you think you're fooling here? Poor, little, old, pathetic you._

"I wish I knew what to say. I wish I knew how to take this burden off your shoulders. I may not know how to but I'm damn sure willing to learn only...if you don't shut me out like everyone else. I'm not here to hurt you in any way. I promise I'll try my best to help. Just no more secrets, ok? I'm only saying this as a friend. You have everything to live for so please don't let the past hold you back. It's not worth the agony that you put yourself through. You can't live like this any more. Just please trust me on this, ok? There is nothing to be afraid of any more. Not while I'm here," he said while holding her trembling left hand. It was up to her now. Maybe she would make the right decision. Just maybe...

_Now isn't this a touching moment? All we need is corny music and God knows what else, right? I know I promised to shut up but you know I couldn't resist especially now. I guess this heartfelt decision is up to you, am I right? Of course with all this crying, what good will it do you in the end? My view on this whole thing is that no matter how much you cry, I will still be here. You can't get rid of me even if you tried. I know you love to do it, you just won't admit it to yourself like I keep telling you to. You just continue to argue with me knowing damn well that I'll win in the end. Always ends with a flick of a blade, right? Melts all the problems away and so much more. Feels damn good too if I do say so myself. But I'll leave you to your mushy moment. Why bother with this silly stuff? It won't last sweety and that's a promise..._

"I do trust you Dwayne but I think I just need to be alone right now. It's nothing personal or anything. Just give me some time to think this over, ok?" She slowly stood up and walked to the front door.

He slowly followed her only to feel his heart strings being pulled to the limit. Something inside him told him to stay but he didn't want to upset her or seem too pushy.

"Ok but if you need anything and I mean anything, just call me. Here's my number if you need it. You gonna be alright sweety?" Stroking the side of her face, he could've sworn he heard her take a deep breath. Almost like she didn't want him to leave but maybe it was just his imagination.

"Yeah...yeah I think so. Other than a bad headache from crying so much, I'm good. Don't worry about me," she replied while looking into his caring eyes.

"I can't help it but I'll try not to any way. Well I'm gonna go but try to take it easy, ok? Get some rest for now. Just try not to let things get to you so much. Take care sweety," he turned the knob but was stopped when he felt Mya's hand on his.

"You too. I really appreciate you stopping by. It helped which means a lot to me. Every little helps, right?"

He couldn't help but smile at that. "Glad I could help. Please try to take it easy. For me," while looking at her with his caring eyes yet again.

She slowly nodded her head and waved goodbye as he quietly shut the door in front of her. It took everything she had to keep from running after him. For the first time in a long time, it seemed that someone did care about her. The question is, how long would it last? 'God I hope this isn't a dream. I really hope it isn't. Maybe someone up there likes me after all.' Slowly but surely, she couldn't help but smile and tried not to think about what existed inside her. _Who knows how long that would last. Only time would tell on that one._


	6. Just Go

It had been three days since Dwayne had heard from Mya. He kept calling her but received no answer. The last time he called, the operator said the phone had been disconnected. He went by her place several times and it appeared that nobody was home. He even stood outside in the pouring rain, waiting for her to appear. She was no where in sight as far as he knew. It was almost as if she disappeared off the face of the earth. Now, he was really worried about her. He couldn't even think straight. He had to see if she was okay, to at least know that she was still there. 'God I hope nothing happened to her. I'm not sure if I could live with myself if something did.'

He had reluctantly approached her apartment the following day, not knowing what to expect. He couldn't help but feel a bit nervous. She could be in bad shape or something to that degree. He wasn't sure since he had so many scenarios running through his head. Hesitantly he softly knocked on the door. "Mya? Mya, are you there? It's me Dwayne. Please open up. I haven't heard from you in the past three days. Are you alright?" Softly, he heard a strained reply.

"Go away. Please you have no business here. Can't you take a hint?"

"I don't believe that. I just need to know if you're okay. That's all, I swear."

After a moment of silence, "Will you go away if I show you that I'm fine?"

'What would she mean by that? Does she not want to talk to me?' "I can't promise you that I'll go away but...I just want to see if you're alright. If you want me to leave you alone for now, then I will," he replied nervously. He wasn't quite sure what to expect since she sounded so distant, so alone. 'Did things get worse for her? Is that why she shut me out for three days? She just needs to tell me. How hard can that be?'

_Run, run away while you still can. You can't keep letting this fool in every time he comes knocking. We must be losing our touch here. Of course the question now is, can you really walk away without feeling all guilty and shit? Answer me that sweety._

Mya slowly put her forehead on the door, reluctant to open it and see him again. She knew deep down that once she saw him, it would be almost impossible to run and hide. Something kept bringing her back, she couldn't explain it. It unnerved her so much that it was hard being any where near him. All these emotions would come flowing out of her which is why she decided to disappear for a few days. She didn't want him to see her like this. She couldn't let him see her weak and vulnerable. What would he think of her then? She wasn't sure what to do next. "Just do yourself a favor and find some other charity case to attend to," she said while feeling a pang of guilt course through her.

'What was that supposed to mean? Surely she doesn't...want me to leave, does she? Not without seeing her first?' "What to do you mean by that? I already told you that you're just not some charity case to me. You're much more than that. Why is that so hard to believe? What do I have to do in order for you to trust me," he replied not quite sure what her answer would be. He couldn't take the suspense any longer.

_Well, isn't this a sweet moment? What could he possibly do for you to trust him Mya? Oh what could I do my love? Show you my past scars? Oh I really understand what you're going through, honest. What the fuck ever! This crap is making me nauseous. Please tell me you'll come up with a brutal reply so he can leave us both alone for good._

She wanted to bang her head against the door repeatedly. All this shit kept creeping in and confusing her even more. 'What the hell am I supposed to? I can't just...give in and let him see me like this. It would break his heart. I can't take that chance, I just can't. Just please go away Dwayne. Save yourself from the misery of knowing me. This world is filled with enough sadness, why bother adding more? Especially from me...' _Told you it wouldn't be worth it._ "Okay, okay. I'll let you in but after that, I just need you to leave. No questions asked. Alright?"

He had to think for a minute and decided it's better than arguing back and forth. "Okay then. Just please open the door," he whispered. 'God I hope she's alright. I'm not even sure why she's acting like this towards me? Was it something I did or said? I guess I'll have to see.'

Slowly but surely, the door cracked open and he could see her pale face. She looked like she had been crying non stop and got little sleep, if any at all. It broke his heart observing her frail state which was worse than when he first saw her. The apparent dark circles under her eyes made her look almost like the walking dead.

"Happy now," she whispered while letting the door open all the way. She was definitely worse for wear. She didn't even have the strength to look him in the eye when she spoke. Her clothes barely clung to her small frame while her eyes seemed lost in conflicting thoughts. But why?

"Why would ask me something like that? I mean look at you. You're a mess and...Mya why won't you tell me what's wrong? Is there something you're trying to hide from me," he questioned. So many things needed to answered and he didn't know if he had to patience to wait any longer.

She continued to stare off into space. "Why bother hiding? You're just not looking hard enough. If you want to know something so badly, then here," She handed him a folded piece of paper. "Read it if you want. That's your choice. Now please, just leave me alone."

He was stunned. 'Was she really serious?' He wasn't quite sure what to think any more but he knew he had to fulfill his promise. "Okay then. I'll leave. Take care Mya. I hope you find what you're looking for," he said while hesitantly leaving her door step. Deep down, he knew that walking away from her would be hard but he never imagined it would be like this. 'It doesn't have to end like this, does it?'

While watching him walk away, she could feel the tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. They were threatening to fall but she tried to hold them in. She could picture herself running after him, begging him not to go. Falling into his arms and never letting go. That could be her happily ever after. But sadly, it wasn't and never would be. She couldn't go that route again, not after all that's happened to her. It wasn't worth reopening that wound. She slowly stepped back inside and closed the door.

He waited 'til he got home to read what she had given him. He wasn't quite sure what it was but he just had this need to read it. That thought had been bothering him ever since he left her. Numbness coursed through him as he walked home. It was if time had stopped and everything disappeared around him. He slowly opened the piece of paper which appeared to be a diary entry. 'Why did she give me this?' He decided to read on while the confusion swept over him.

**Everlasting darkness fills my soul. I have nothing left to offer this world. Death won't come soon enough for me unfortunately. A normal person would think, why on earth would a girl so young want to die? Well you don't live the life that I do. I mean even if you did, you probably wouldn't understand any way. You don't have to stare at yourself wondering what the hell went wrong. Is death really that bad? Let me drag you to the depths of my hell, let the fire of rage scorch your very soul and let's see if you'll survive but oh no, that's only the beginning. I wonder if anyone would really give a shit if I just ended it all right now. Maybe I should carve FAILURE on my forehead to show the world how fucked up I really am. You can't help what you are. It's inevitable a part of the maturing process. Whatever we do, it just keeps going until the day we die. More hard knocks of this puzzle we call life. What could possibly be worse? Trust me when I say that I have yet to find that out. Just give me time though. I'll know soon enough and you'll be first to know. I can guarantee that!**

'What's that supposed to mean? My God, what did I do?'


	7. Savin' Me

Everything seemed to be in place. All that was left were the finishing touches and it would be over before she knew it. She had everything she needed so far. She gave Dwayne that diary entry for a reason. Hopefully he understood what she was going to do next. 'Okay. This is gonna hurt but I highly doubt it. I've been through enough of it any way so it shouldn't be a problem.' She had a butcher knife lying on the floor next to her. It would do the job a lot better than her small pocket knife or so she hoped._ That's right. Just do it and it will be all over soon. Trust me on this._

Dwayne wasn't sure what to do first. Should he race back to her place or just...no he couldn't do that. What if something happened to her? He knew deep down that he would never forgive himself if something did happen. 'I know what I have to do. There's no turning back now.'

_You know how long I've been waiting for this? It seems like forever but today's the day. Everything is set and we should get this show on the road. Ain't that right darlin'?_ 'God I don't know if I can actually do this but this maybe the only way for me to get him out of my system. Even if it means costing me something very dear, my own life.' She picked up the knife, her hand trembling and sweaty from the nerves, and was about to make the first cut when she heard something. It sounded like someone was banging her door. 'Now who the hell could that be? Aw hell, I'll just ignore it. Maybe they'll go away.' She had barely put the tip to her skin when she heard it again, only this time much louder and more frantic. 'Take the hint and leave me alone! I don't need this shit right now.' _Hmm I wonder who that could be?_

'God please open the door.' He didn't know what was going on so he tried knocking on her door much louder, just to see if anyone would answer. "Mya! Mya are you in there? If you are, please open the door. Look I'm sorry about everything that has happened to you. I wish I could erase the past so you don't have to live with it any more. I know how painful it is, I really do. All you want to do is just give up because it hurts so much. You just want to the pain to go away. I understand that and I want to try my best to help you but only if you let me. Please just stop pushing me away. I want to know you, the real you. What would it take for me to know that? Trust me, I wish I knew but I don't. Only you can tell me. Just don't give up on me and I will do the same with you but you have to trust me. I know how hard that can be especially after all that you've been through. Please find it in your heart. That's all I ask, I swear. I won't take no for an answer this time. I'm too involved now. I can't turn back and act like nothing happened. I can't do it and I think you know it too."

Slowly, Mya put down the butcher knife to think over what Dwayne had just said. She wasn't sure what to think and why he even bothered to show up. Was he planning to stop her from doing something foolish? "Ok then. Let's say I do believe you. What then? Can you answer me that," she replied. 'What the hell does he think he's doing?'

"You'll just have to trust me in order to find out."

She slowly got up to answer the door. Maybe if she saw him face to face that that would prove to her that he wasn't lying. 'Please don't be lying to me. I'm not in the mood for games.' It seemed to take forever for her to reach the door. Very carefully, she unlocked it and hesitantly turned the handle. The first thing she saw was his eyes. He seemed to be relieved that she was okay but there was something else there. An expression that she hadn't noticed before. What did it mean and would he tell her?

"See? That wasn't so hard, now was it," he said while trying to contain the joy of seeing her alive and well.

"You just don't give up, do you? What is so special about me that keeps you coming back? Please, I'd like to know," she replied.

"Well I've been thinking the same thing ever since I met you. Your answer is as good as mine. Maybe there's more to this than we both know. Are you willing to give it a shot?"

'Oh God, what am I getting myself into? No is definitely not in his vocabulary. Does he really care that much?' After looking down at her hands for what seemed like a lifetime, she cleared her throat. "I'm not sure what you're getting me into. If I said no you wouldn't leave me alone, now would you," she said with a smile. He returned a smile, "Probably not. I would be checking on you every chance that I get. So you have two choices. Either I continue the stalker thing or," he paused while trying to find the right choice of words, "you let me in so I can know the real you. Mya, the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on."

She could feel herself starting to blush. "You really mean that?"

He slowly stroked the side of her pale face. "With all my heart sweety. I'm not going any where," he said softly.

Tears slowly filled Mya's eyes as she heard his words. Just the way he said it seemed to melt her heart. 'God it's been forever since I've heard anything like that.' "Ok then. What are we waiting for then?"

From that day on, they spent every day together. At first, she felt doubt creep back into her mind but that was soon swept away by Dwayne's kindness. He made her feel so comfortable and relaxed. She never felt more accepted in her entire life. Everything just felt so right this time around. Some how, she knew that he was telling the truth. He really did care about her and he decided to show her how much. How could something that was thought to be wrong feel so right?


	8. Cut It Out!

**I can see myself. It must be a dream. I'm looking for something but I don't know what. My apartment seems cluttered, like I'm going to move out soon. I find a small box with a folded up piece of paper inside. I'm not sure what it is but I see there's some writing on it so I decide to read it. A part of me is not prepared for what I'm about to see. It's one of my old poems.**

my life is pain

my pain keeps me safe

it shields me from harm

keeps the world at bay

everything is a blur

nothing is right

i walk alone

life is a joke

i must be the punch line

**Why am I seeing this? What does this mean? All of a sudden I see a drop of red liquid fall onto the piece of paper. Then another and then another. It's falling in steady drops and I'm startled at the fact of not knowing where this is coming from. My chest starts to hurt, a deep burning sensation right where my heart is. As I look down, I see blood dripping from deep wounds on my chest right over my heart. I drop the piece of paper and scream. My knife is on the floor covered in blood. I turn around to run and bump into Paul. He has a evil, wicked smile on his face. He puts his hands around my neck and slowly starts to choke the life out of me. Before I black out, I can hear him whisper something to me. "Oh how the mighty have fallen..."**

She awakes with a start, not knowing where she is. Her senses are starting to come back to her as she realizes she's safe in her own bed. A cold sweat made her shirt stick to her like glue. 'Thank God it was just a dream.' She decides to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water to calm her nerves. While walking to the sink, she thinks about calling Dwayne. 'Maybe I should call him. I'm not sure if I want to be alone especially after that.' After she finished her glass of water, she slowly picks up the phone and dials his number.

The phone startled Dwayne out of a deep sleep. He slowly turned on a lamp so that he could see who was calling at this late hour. 'Mya? I hope nothing's wrong.' After rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he picked up the phone. "Mya, what's wrong?" He could hear her shaky breathing on the other end.

"I know it's late and all but can you please come over? I had a nightmare that kinda shook me up. I really don't trust being here all by myself. It's okay if you don't want to. I'll understand..."

"No, no it's okay. I'll be right over sweety."

She heard him hang up. Just knowing that he was on his way made her feel a little better. At least she would have someone to talk to. 'I hope he won't be mad at me for waking him up so late. It's just for some reason...I need him. Wait, what's that supposed to mean?' _Looks like somebody has a little crush. Oh I bet you thought I went away after you're lil' happiness stint. I really haven't gone any where. I've just been waiting in the shadows. Oh just watching to see if you'll screw up. Looks like I might get my wish tonight..._

'Why don't you just go find someone else to screw with! I don't need you any more. I have Dwayne and that's all I need. There's no use haunting me. I'm over you and all the shit you put me through.' _Oh c'mon now. Why must we be so hostile? Just admit the fact that you missed me and I'll be out of here for good. You won't have to worry about me bothering you any more._ 'JUST GO AWAY!' _You actually think that a second chance will erase the pain. It's not going any where and neither am I. You can't ignore the past or what you are. Sooner or later, the hunger always wins..._

'You see that's where your wrong. I can control it. I won't let it control me. You have no power over me.' _Oh we'll see my child. We'll see..._ Slowly but surely she could feel the cravings eating away at her insides. She tried to ignore it but they were so strong this time. Numbness shot through her body so quickly that she almost fell on her face. She clutched her chest, trying to think of Dwayne in order for it to pass. It didn't help much though.

'What the hell is wrong with me? Am I having a heart attack? Fuck! It hurts so much. God someone help me!' She could feel herself blacking out. Everything slowly blurred until she saw no more. It was almost like she shut off completely only to be awakened like a zombie. She was watching herself from across the room as if she was moving in slow motion. She walked over to the kitchen, she opened one of the drawers and withdrew a butcher knife. She closed the drawer and went back to where she was. She sat down and took her sweater off. Without even looking, she started cutting her chest. Even strokes with fine red lines popping up every where. The last thing she saw was her blood on the blade.

Dwayne had just made his way to Mya's apartment. He was a little concerned at why she had called so late. 'Maybe she just needs to talk. To get her mind off her nightmare.' He decided to knock. "Mya, it's me. Open up." At first, he didn't hear anything. 'Maybe she went back to sleep.' He knocked a little louder. "Mya, hello? You in there?" He went to see if the door was locked. It wasn't and the door silently opened. 'Hmm that's odd. I wonder why she left the door unlocked like this.' He slowly walked inside and noticed that the place was dark. He searced for a light switch since he didn't want to trip on anything. As soon as he did, he saw her sitting on the floor in the kitchen. Blood soaked her chest and legs. In her left hand was a butcher knife covered in blood. Her blood.

"Oh my God! What happened? What did you..."

She had this distant look in her eyes. Like she wasn't all there. "I...I tried to cut it out. Needs to stop beating. I...I didn't...want it any more."

He shook his head in disbelief. "What are you talking about? Cut what out?" He noticed that she was in a trance like state. In other words, he wasn't even sure if she knew he was there. "You just stay still, alright? I'm gonna call for help. You just hold on, okay? Don't close your eyes. Stay focused, alright? I'll be right back. Oh God," he said as he ran to find her house phone.

Her face was getting pale and she kept repeating the same sentence over and over again. "I don't want it to break. I stopped it...I did..."

After he called 911, he ran back to her side. She kept saying the same thing over and over again. Almost like a broken record. He sat down next to her and held her close. It didn't matter if he got blood on him or not. All he wanted to do was hold her. He felt a tear slip down his cheek. He felt so helpless and so confused on why she would do such a thing to herself. 'I thought everything was going so well.'

She started to tremble a bit. "Can we rest now," she whispered.

"What baby?"

She leaned her head against his chest. "Can we rest now? I'm so tired."

That sent a chill through him. "No sweety. You have to keep your eyes open for me, okay?" She kept talking like she didn't hear him.

"You can't be serviced, not by me. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anything."

He held onto her even tighter. "Don't say that! Just hold on baby. Help will be here soon. I promise. Everything's gonna be okay. Just stay with me." He tore a part of his shirt to try and stop the bleeding. He pressed the cloth against her chest and prayed that she would come out of this alive.

The ambulance arrived a few minutes later. She was barely conscious but still alive. The paramedics started asking him what happened and when did he find her like this. He wasn't even sure if he answered them. He felt so numb. It felt like a horrible dream that he wished he could wake up from. He rode in the ambulance with her while they drove to the hospital. Tears were streaming down his face. He didn't care if anyone saw them. All he cared about was her. He held her hand as they tried to stop the bleeding from the wounds on her chest. 'How could she do such a thing? Why? Oh God why?'

They reached the hospital in no time. They rushed her into the emergency room and told Dwayne that he had to stay in the waiting room. He almost didn't hear the doctor but he slowly backed off. He kept praying that she would come out of this okay. So many things were going through his mind. He didn't even know where to start. He felt a little dizzy and drained. There was still Mya's blood on him but he barely noticed. He sat down and silently waited for someone to come back out there and tell him that she was gonna make it.


	9. the Unnamed Feeling

**Finally! Here's the next chapter. I know I probably have you wondering what happened so here ya go. Hopefully you won't be too mad at me.**

Mya awoke with a start. Her whole body was trembling. She was covered from head to toe in sweat. 'My God, had that all been a dream? It felt so real. Shit I guess I am losing it.' She slowly sat on the edge of her bed and put her head in her hands. 'I need to see Dwayne. There's no other way to make me feel better.' She stood up and quickly got dressed.

Dwayne was startled as he heard a knock at the door. 'Who could that be at this hour?' He slowly got out of bed and headed towards the door. He looked through the peep hole and saw Mya standing there. 'Must've been another nightmare. Poor thing.' He unlocked the door and let her in.

"I hope I didn't scare you," she said as she took off her coat.

"No not all. Are you okay? You look a little shook up," he said as he walked over to her.

She avoided his gaze. "I am actually. I had a bad dream and I decided to come over. Your the only one who makes me feel better."

He couldn't help but smile. "Aw thanks sweety. Just knowing that makes me feel good. Do you want to talk about what upset you so much?"

She shook her head. "Not really but I guess. I had one of those dreams within a dream, you know? I know that sounds crazy but that's what happened. It just had to do with some bad stuff and it scared me. That's why I just came over instead of calling first. I needed to see you face to face."

He was taken back a little by what she said. 'It must've been a bad one.' He put his hands on her arms. "Well you did the right thing. I'm proud of you. You want to sit down? You look a little tired."

"Sure. I feel kinda funny just standing here."

They both sat down on the couch. She rested her head on his shoulder and they just sat in silence. He slowly put his arm around her and pulled her close. He wanted to show her that nothing bad was gonna happen to her. That she was safe with him.

She could feel her eyes getting heavy. She slowly closed them and fell right to sleep.

He could feel her body relax and her breathing deepened. 'She must be asleep. I'll just stay here with her so she won't be scared.' He started to stroke her hair as she slept. Slowly but surely, his eyes started to feel a little heavy. He closed his eyes and fell asleep with his arm still around her frail form.

They slept on the couch the rest of the night. Daylight slowly crept through the blinds as morning came so quickly. Dwayne was the first to stir as he slowly opened his eyes. 'I must've fallen asleep after all.' He looked beside him to see Mya asleep with her head on his chest. A smile slowly crept across his face as he watched her. Her delicate features were still at the moment, almost at peace. It was almost like watching an angel. His heart began to race as he stroked a stray hair from her cheek. 'She is so beautiful. I wish I could kiss her without waking her.'

As if on cue, she started to stir. She let out a small yawn and slowly opened her eyes to find him watching her sleep. She couldn't help but smile. "Good morning sleepy head," he said. "Morning. How long was I out," she said while stretching her arms. "I think we were here the rest of the night."

"Wow. Well after the nightmare I had, I feel much better knowing that I'm with you," she replied while looking into his eyes.

"Glad I could be of service ma'am," he said with a wink.

"Silly." She sat up trying to get her stiff muscles moving.

He did the same while walking towards the kitchen. "Would you like some juice or something?"

"Yes please. I'm thirsty," she replied while watching him. 'My protector. How can I be so lucky? If things weren't so complicated, I'd tell him how I really felt and see where it would go from there. Maybe seal things with a kiss? Who knows.' A smile crept across her face at that thought.

She could almost see how things would go. He would take her in his strong arms and look into her eyes. Almost by accident, lightly kiss her on the lips like in the movies. As he pulled back to see her reaction, she would smile, put one of her hands behind his head and kiss him with all the passion that was left in her. She couldn't help but sigh at that thought. If only things weren't so...

_Screwed up, you mean? Honestly sweety, you really need to stop day dreaming. It's not going to come true any way. Once he finds out about what you do to yourself, well, there's only so much a man can handle. Why must you keep torturing yourself over this guy? Does he really mean that much to you? Your knight in shining armor? Your hero, your savior? I almost laugh at the very thought. You know what you should do? You should test him by telling him your dirty little secret. That way you can see if he's really the prince charming you make him out to be. C'mon honey. I double dare you... _

She closed her eyes, trying to shut the voice out. 'Why does it have to ruin everything? Why can't I be happy and stay that way?' She wanted to scream, let out all her aggression on whatever got in her way. Anything to shut that damn voice up. She could feel that familiar feeling gnaw at the back of her mind, like it always did. The numbness began to slowly creep through her body especially through her arms. Her scars began to ache and she could almost feel the sensation of the blade on her delicate skin. She could almost feel herself going into a trance.

_Yes that's right. Give into it. Come back to where you belong. You know you can't get enough of it. You and I both know that. I'm just better at dealing with it than you are. Once you try to pick yourself up, I'm always there to remind you what you are. No one wants you. You just keep telling yourself all those stupid lies in order to feel better about yourself. Like you actually matter to him. Please give me a damn break! He'll find out sooner or later. I'm hoping it will be a lot sooner. I just love to watch you suffer._

Dwayne didn't know what was going on behind him. All he could think about was how beautiful she was. 'Am I falling for her or am I just imagining things?' He smiled at that thought. 'I think I am. She's everything a man could ever want. It's just...I wish I knew what she's trying to hide. Is it really that bad?' After he got them both something to drink, he went back to where she was only to find her gone. He didn't know what to think. 'Where did she go? She was right here a minute ago.' He put down the glasses and walked around the apartment, seeing where she could've gone. He noticed that the bathroom door was shut. 'Maybe she's in here.' He softly knocked on the door. "Mya, are you in there?" He could hear sobbing and knew right away that she was in there. He slowly opened the door and found her on the floor crying. "Honey, what's wrong?", he said as he walked over to her.

She looked up at him with tears running down her cheeks. She didn't know what to say to him._ Looks like someone got caught._ All she could do was shake her head and cry. 'Just go away. Leave me alone, please.' He sat down beside her and put his arms around her. She embraced him and just let it all out. All her anger at herself, the frustration, the loneliness. It was all coming out along with her tears. She didn't want to hold it back any more.

He helped her stand up and took her over to the bed. Together they sat down and held onto one another. He felt her sobbing form against his chest. All he could do was stroke her back, trying to calm her down. 'What brought this on? Will she tell me or keep me in the dark like it never happened? God please just tell me.'

After what seemed like forever, she finally had the strength to lift her head from his chest. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying so hard but she didn't care. She just wanted to look into his caring eyes, silently telling her that everything will be fine. "Are you okay?", he said to break the silence.

She slowly shook her head and smiled. "Yeah. Sorry about that. I really need to quit doing that," she said with a laugh.

He gently wiped the tears from her cheek. "Not at all. You're beautiful no matter what," he whispered.

She was taken back by that comment. She felt speechless. Almost like her breath left her at that moment. She smiled and slowly brought her face towards his. She felt her lips touch his. She could feel his body stiffen then relax as he returned the favor. Time stood still at that moment. Nothing else mattered. His hands started caressing her back, sending chills down her spine. Her hands seemed to move on their own, moving slowly across his chest. The kiss deepened and their tongues danced with all the fire and passion that was held back for so long. The desire was so strong, everything felt so right.

Before they both passed out from lack of air, they slowly pulled apart and rested theirs heads against each other. Both of their hearts were racing. Their breathing was heavy with love for one another. Mya helped take Dwayne's tank top off and touched his bare chest. She could feel his heart beating and the goosebumps caused by her fingernails as she caressed his skin. The wanting in his eyes was so apparent that it sent a chill through her. He brought her close to him again and stared kissing her feverishly. His hands explored her skin, wanting to be even closer. He slowly started kissing and sucking on her neck, causing her to gasp. She could feel his lips on her shoulder and suddenly realized what was going to happen next. She opened her eyes and snapped out of her desire induced trance. 'Oh shit. I...I can't do this. I can't let him see my scars.' "Wait, Dwayne please stop," she said as she backed away from him. "What? What's wrong?"

She stood up and tried not to look at him. "It's just...I can't do this. I just can't. I'm sorry but I gotta go." She started to walk away from him but he grabbed her wrist. "Whoa wait a second. Just tell me what's wrong. Was it something I did?", he said wanting to know what happened.

"No it's not you. It's just...Look I'm not someone you want to get involved with, alright? Just please let me go."

He pulled her back towards him. He wanted to know what brought on her change of behavior. "Mya just tell me. What's wrong?"

"I said let me go. Leave me alone!", she said while trying to get her wrist free.

"Tell me what happened," he said trying to get a straight answer.

"I said stop! Just let me go please!," she yelled as she pulled her wrist from his grasp and fell on the floor. Little did she know that her sleeves to her sweater rolled up, exposing her scars. Dwayne's eyes widened as he saw deep, wide marks criss crossing the flesh on her forearms.

'What the hell?'


	10. Flashback

**just to tide you over until the next chapter, here's a flashback told from Mya's POV.**

I know there's so many things that went wrong that day. I should've told him from the start about my...afflictions. He probably would've thought I was crazy and ran, just like I imagined it. Sometimes I wish I hadn't discovered this...release. My dark addiction that started out of hell and has been a part of me ever since. It can be intoxicating but the feeling is always short lived. The world is harsh and cruel. My 'friend' is what comforts me when things get bad, well at least that's how it used to be. I've realized that I can't stop. I can't run from what I truly am. Someone who hurts themselves just to release some of the pain inside.

Paul was right all along. I am and always will be nothing. All I ever do is hurt people. I guess it's what i'm good at. Right from the start, when I drove Rey and David away. All I do is push the ones i love away for fear of being hurt again. God i hate it when i do that!

The look on his face still haunts me. The hurt, the shock,the betrayal in his eyes. I knew he wouldn't understand and I was right. I hate it when I'm right sometimes. God I wish I could take it back. If I hadn't kissed him, none of this would've happened. I let my feelings get in the way and I ended up driving him away with my secret. I hate myself for what I did. All I have now are my regrets of that horrible day. The day that brought me to where I am right now...


	11. Numb

**_I know, I know. It's been a while since I've updated and I apologize for that. It just took me a while to get this just right. Get ready for some major sadness._**

_Haha I knew this moment would come but not this soon. Oh I'm lovin' the looks on both of your faces right now. What did I keep telling you sweety? There's no way you could keep up this charade for long. If you did, you're a lot dumber than I thought. I'll just sit back and watch the drama unfold from here. It's better to have a front row seat to something like this._

'It happened as if it were in slow motion. I knew this day would come but not this soon. Not before I came up with a good excuse or tried to explain myself correctly. I'm totally exposed for the fraud that I am and I have nothing to say. At least not right now. God how could this happen? How could I let myself do something like that? I shouldn't have given into my desires then I wouldn't be in this mess. I wish I was any where but here. Far from the shocked expression on his face. Far from the accusing eyes that I've been dreading since day one. How could I so stupid? Fuckin' idiot!'

Dwayne didn't believe it. He felt numb from head to toe. He wasn't even sure that what he was looking at was real. It almost felt like a horrible nightmare and he was just waiting to wake up from it but he couldn't. The truth was staring at him right in the face and he had nothing to say. At least not yet.

Mya was the first one to speak. "I was going to tell you, I swear. I just didn't know how to say it."

He drew in a shaky breath. "Are those what I think they are?"

She slowly nodded her head yes.

He turned away, trying to clear his head. "So that's what you've been...hinting around about? About how I wouldn't understand and all that? It makes perfect sense now."

She could feel the tears building in her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out this way."

"How did you mean for me to find out then, huh?", the anger began rising in his voice, "Let me guess. He drove you to do this to yourself. Am I right?"

Tears threatened to fall and she couldn't bring herself to look at his hurt expression.

"Answer me!" He could feel the tears building in his eyes and his heart began to ache with betrayal.

She could feel his eyes burning into her and she could feel her voice tremble as she spoke. "How else was I supposed to feel? This is the only way for me to feel alive. I became so damn numb that it resulted to this. I deserved every single one! Don't you understand?," she yelled as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"So what does this accomplish? All your doing is hurting yourself and for what? To so call 'feel alive?' Who are you trying to fool here?" His accusing eyes couldn't conceal the betrayal and the pain he felt deep inside. All the hiding and the erratic behavior. It was all making perfect sense to him now but it was also scaring the hell out of him. 'How could she hide this from me? Why?'

"I'm not trying to fool anyone Dwayne! Don't you see? I do this because..." She turned away from him, afraid to come clean about her addiction.

"Because of what?" He walked closer to her. He needed to know why she would do such a thing. The scars were so...deep and painful just to look at. He couldn't even bring himself to imagine what they might have felt like.

"Because...I'm scared to open my heart up to you. How do I know that you won't hurt me or betray me like he did?" she turned around to face him, "Huh! You don't have an answer for that, do you? That's what I thought." She tried to walk away from him but her feet felt like they were glued to the floor.

He couldn't let it end this way. "Mya wait! Please just tell me why. That's all I ask." His heart wanted to break into a million pieces. So many emotions were running through him that he didn't even know where to start. It felt so surreal, almost like a bad dream that he wanted to wake up from but couldn't. This was for real and he wanted to try to understand why.

She turned around very slowly, her body feeling even more numb by the minute. It was happening as if in slow motion. She felt like she had no control of her own body and what she was about to say. "You wanna know how it feels? To drag that blade across your skin? It doesn't matter where. The only thing that matters is relief. Everything is so...fucked up that pain is the only way to come back to reality. Nothing is real in this world until you can feel something as intense as that. You feel almost at peace with yourself. All of the bullshit just fades in the darkness along with everything else. Your sins are washed away unti you realize what you've done afterwards. After you come down from it. Anything can fuel the addiction no matter what. Anything can trigger it. You can't stop it. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't. Something always drives you back. It's a never ending cycle. All the while just looking for peace and redemption as if you deserve in the first place. There's no guarantee that you'll find it but you keep searching any way. That's why you have to keep going. The future is always uncertain especially when all you have is your pain and nothing else. Is that a good enough explanation for ya?"

Her cheeks burned as the tears stained her face. She tried to compose herself. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go. I need some time to think."

"So that's it? That's your solution? To just run away from this, from me? I want to help you but I can't do that if you just shut me out like this. Please, don't do this Mya." Tears started to well up in his eyes as he reached out to touch her.

She backed away from him as if he disgusted her. "I'm sorry Dwayne. It's too late for me. You're better off any way. Just do us both a favor and forget me. I can guarantee that it won't hurt as much if you do that. Good bye." She walked out of the bedroom, grabbed her coat and walked out of his life. With each step, pieces of her heart broke off and shattered on the floor. She wanted to die right then and there but didn't let it show. She had to be strong. She had to be in control.

He watched her walk away. That's all he could do. Nothing he said would make her stay. She didn't want his help. That just ate him up inside. He wanted to run after her, tell her that everything would be okay, they could get through this together. He knew that wouldn't happen. Even after he heard the door shut, he couldn't move. His body didn't want to cooperate. It was if he was frozen. Almost like a lifeless statue. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he fell to his knees and sobbed.

**Back to present**

So that leads me to where I am today. I have nothing but my regret to go along with the cold dark wasteland of eternity. Everything around me spirals down ward. My sanity slowly rots inside my lonely mind. The one image that still haunts me is the look on his face. God I can't get that out of my head. I've tried everything but nothing works. I see him when I close my eyes, when I want to cut, when I just want to die. The image keeps coming back to me. I've never seen anyone look at me like that. That's probably why I'm so affected by it. Even now when I'm not thinking about him. I keep asking myself the same question over and over again. What if? So many things can be attached to those words. Even if I did handle the situation differently, it wouldn't have a damn bit of difference. It's all ancient history now. There's nothing I can do about it. I'll just do what I do best in situations like this. Run away and hope everything will turn out for the better. Running is what I do best.

**_I know that was a little harsh to do to Dwayne but I had to do it. Sorry! I'll try my best to get another chapter out. Promise!_**


	12. the Voice

_**Ok change of pace here. Since I'm trying to figure out where to take this story, I'm letting 'the voice' have some talk time. I hope this doesn't throw anyone off. If it does, I apologize.**_

_Well hi there. Bet you thought I'd leave for good. Well you guessed wrong again my friend. Let me give you a update on what happened after 'the big fight'. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. Blah blah blah. Before we knew what was going on, four months passed up by. She's been so upset too. Crying every night, sleeping all day just to keep the memories at bay. _

_I've seen him outside a few times, just watching to see if he can see a just glimpse of his broken girl. Pretty pathetic, huh? He's probably doing the same thing she's been doing these past few months. Crying at every sad thought, wanting to scream for not doing something to make her stay. All that boring crap you go through after a break up. _

_You'd think I'd be happy at her current state but...for some strange reason, I'm not. I mean I finally got my wish, right? _

_Her depression is depressing me. Who knew that could happen? Pretty fucked, huh? _

_I'm afraid that if she realizes it, she might just end it for the both of us. To be rid of all the agony, anguish and misery that she's gone through. _

_She'll probably try something poetic like slitting her wrists with a razor blade or over dosing on some sleeping pills while downing them with some alcohol. Maybe jumping off a bridge or a high building like some kind of fallen angel looking for some salvation. _

_Yes I am rolling my eyes at the very idea of any of that. _

_Cutting has seem to lost its...enjoyment. She can bleed all she wants but it doesn't dull the ache she feels in her broken, little heart. Who knows what will happen now that she plans on leaving. Excuse me, running away again. She just might have the courage this time to jump. Of course I don't want to give too much away now. That would ruin this little twisted tale, now wouldn't it? I surely wouldn't want that._


	13. Dwayne's POV

**finally an update! i know i've been neglecting this and i apologize for that. i've been trying to come up with the perfect ending but so far, nothing. in other news, in no way is my story related to happened with Dwayne and his real wife. i feel sorry for the poor guy and hope that he finds the right person. any way, onward with the new chapter!**

I can see her in the distance. She standing on the ledge of a tall bridge. She's wearing this long, white dress that's blowing in the wind. I can hear her sobbing. I can see the marks on her arms and see the new ones over her heart when she turns around to look at me. Tears are running down her cheeks. I try to run towards her but it's like I'm moving in slow motion. I can't get to her fast enough. She mouths the words "I'm sorry", smiles a faint smile, then jumps off the ledge. By the time I get there, I look over the edge and see her body floating in the water. She looks so lost and broken. I scream to the heavens as tears sting my eyes. Then I wake up in a cold sweat as I always do. I break down even though this has been going on for four months now. Since she first walked out the door and never came back. I reach for the bottle of Jack Daniels that's by my bed now and take a swig as always. I need something to calm my nerves. I wipe the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand.

Everything within me screamed to run after her but I couldn't move. It was probably because of the shock. Who knows. I let the love of my life walk away and did absolutely nothing. I've walked to her place a few times. Just stood outside in the darkness or the rain, maybe catching a glimpse of her by the window. She probably doesn't even see me. The rain hides my tears very well.

Each day, I feel a part of me dying inside. Stupid questions of why and how this happened keep coming up in the back of my mind. Burns just like the alcohol that I consume just to keep the pain at bay. It doesn't help much though. I still feel it like a dagger is sticking out of my chest. No matter what I do, it won't go away. God what did I do? I should've went after her and demanded that I help instead of just letting her leave. Why didn't she let me help her? I would've done my best. We would've made it work, right? Instead she pushed me away, deathly afraid of what might happen if she let me in fully. God I hate her for doing that but that feeling doesn't stay long. All I am now is...incomplete. Lost and alone like she must feel now.

I don't want her to face this alone. She's been through enough in her young life. What can I do to make her see that I truly care about her? Is there anything I can do? I just wish I knew. God I wish I knew.

Now I know why she does it. The pain is too strong to even form words and express through tears or screams. It burns inside like a hot knife. The only way for it to stop is just release it, even for a moment, in order to feel some relief. A feeling washes over like a burden has been lifted and you can finally breath. Of course once that feeling goes away, you're back to square one and the cycle starts all over again. You try everything in your power to stop it but you can't. The thirst always wins. You have to feed your inner demons in order to keep them at bay. I know this all too well myself.

I would give anything for just one more chance with her. She needs me and I need her more than anything. Everyday without her is like a death sentence. I don't know how much more I can take. God please give me a sign, anything to tell me that she's okay. Please...


	14. Mya's POV

**i'm back! this is adding a little more suspense until i find the perfect ending. it's told through Mya's POV since she made her mistake with Dwayne.**

Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat. Having to live with the mistake I made, haunts me especially at night. I want to cry my eyes out but a part of me can't. I can't show weakness because I know I did the right thing. I was protecting him, wasn't I?

I still think about that perfect moment that we shared. It still sends shivers down my spine when I think about it. God I was such an idiot for even pursuing my desires like that. I can only blame myself and it kills me inside. Another sin to add to the list.

Life seems meaningless now. The sky looks dull, the air seems dead. I must be dead already. I've lost all hope. There is nothing for me here. I lost the one thing that I thought would change everything. I blew it like always. I want to scream at myself for what happened. I want to cut my heart out and stab it one last time. I don't have the strength to do either of those things.

There are so many people I can blame for how I turned out. I can blame my father for everything he did to me both physically and emotionally. I can blame Rey for not protecting me from him. I can blame Paul for abusing me but then I blame myself even more for staying as long as I did. In the end, I blame only one person: me.

So many things made me the way I am. So many factors. I was the one with the power to do something about it. That's why I ran away from home with my brother at a young age. To escape the horror of it all. Who knew that the world would be much more cruel. That my pain would catch up with me.

I thought I could find shelter with David but I ruined that. Everything I touch turns to ash. Floating away in the breeze, never to be seen again.

I pushed everyone I ever cared about away. I curse myself for being so selfish. How can I even go on living like this? It's not fair to be a waste of space. I know deep down what I have to do in order to set things right.

I have to do this. There is no other way. Dwayne...I'm so sorry. This must be done in order for me to be free.

**what does she plan on doing? i guess you'll have to find out later! sorry.**


	15. Hesistate

Dwayne slowly opened his eyes and felt his head pounding. He had awoken from another fitful slumber. It seemed like everytime he closed his eyes, he saw her. The alcohol dulled the pain but brought back the memories like a flood. To him, it felt like it had been a year even though it had only been a few months. His heart ached for her with each passing day. Deep down, he knew he shouldn't have over reacted like he did. He wished with all of his might that he could take that moment back.

The look in her eyes haunted him the most. Her secret had been exposed in the most horrible of ways. Her scars looked painful and raised almost like a scarred landscape. That's why she had been hostile when it came to the blood stain on her sleeve that first night. Even her black outs and erratic behavior. It all made sense now.

It took him a moment to get up and walk to the bathroom. The dry heaves took hold as he tried to steady himself at the toliet. 'Why in the hell did I have to start drinking again? It didn't solve anything the first time. I guess we all have our vices,' he thought as he sat down on the floor with his head in his hands.

He slowly stood up to splash some water on his clammy face. His reflection brought back memories of when his heart first got broken. That had been a dark, painful time for him. He swore from that day on that he would never open his heart up to any one again. It looked like fate had other plans.

Then, as if from out of nowhere, Mya entered his life. It happened as if by accident. He still remembered just being out for a walk to clear his thoughts. His eyes wandered over to her sitting on a bench, as if she was going to just shatter into pieces. He felt compelled to see if she was alright. Then he couldn't explain why. Something about her reminded him of his own dark time.

How fragile and unknown had she been on that first day. He felt a part of him that just wanted to wrap her in his arms and tell her everything would be alright. That she would never have to feel that pain ever again. Back then, he didn't know her story. It wasn't until after he found out the whole truth that he felt this undenialable need to protect her. It must've been the chivalrous part of his heart. The part he thought had died when Dani walked out the door.

He had no idea that he would fall for her so quickly. It started out so innocently with him wanting to protect her from whatever horror had entered her life and left its mark. It wasn't until she kissed him. He let his guard down. His heart felt alive again. All of a sudden he wanted to kiss her back. After that, everything happened so fast. He felt her take his tank top off. In the heat of passion, he pulled her closer. He wanted to feel her skin on his own. That's when it happened. A special moment turned into something out of a horror movie.

Time stood still. He could only imagine the look he gave her. It felt almost like he was watching the event unfold from outside his body. It hurt just to remember.

Suddenly his apartment felt stuffy, claustrophobic. He needed to get some fresh air. He slowly got dressed and went for a walk. The streets were unusually quiet. A stray car would pass and the occasional pedestrian would walk by. He looked at his watch and seen that it was almost 3 in the morning. "No wonder it's quiet," he said to himself. The fresh air felt good in his lungs and made the hangover seem less bothersome.

Before he realized where he was going, he entered the park where he first saw her as if in a trance like state. His heart felt like it skipped a beat. This was the one place he didn't expect to be especially after all that had happened.

He walked to the bench where he saw her that fateful day. He could almost see her pale face and dark brown eyes. Slowly he sat down and almost felt like she was right beside him. This made his heart ache even more. His eyes scanned his surroundings and that's when he saw her. She was walking a few feet from him.

He waited until he couldn't stand it any more. He soon followed, trying his best to catch up with her. She seemed to sense someone was following her so she walked faster.

He wasn't sure if he would startle her by calling out to her. "Mya? Mya wait please." He could hear the longing in his voice.

She kept walking faster, as if afraid to turn around and face him. He reached out and grabbed her by the shoulder. As soon she turned around, she slapped him. It took him a moment to see that it wasn't her. Just a woman who reminded him of her.

"My apologies Miss. I thought you were someone I knew." She just looked at him strangely and walked off. 'She must think I'm some crazy person.'

He had sworn that was her. She had the same hair, build, everything. Maybe he was really starting to lose his mind. Not only did he see her in his dreams but also in the here and now. 'What the hell is happening to me?'

He made his way back to his place but not before stopping by her apartment. He looked up at her window and saw the light on. As if in a daze, he walked to her door and just stood there. He raised his hand like he was going to knock but couldn't bring himself to. Instead, he put his hand against the door and listened. He almost felt as if she was there on the other side with her own hand against the damp surface.

He sighed heavily and walked back to his place. Little did he know that she knew he was there and did the same on the other side of the door.

It didn't take him long to get back. He sat down on the couch and sighed heavily. His heart felt like someone was squeezing it inside his chest. A tear slipped down his cheek which he wiped away angrily.

He stood up and went to the kitchen for some water. He took a glass out of the cabinet and filled it in the sink. He took a long drink before he set it down on the counter.

His thoughts drifted to her again. He felt his hand shaking. It wasn't until the glass broke that he snapped out of it. He looked down at the blood in his palm and washed it off in the sink.

He went to the bathroom to get a towel to wrap his cut hand. The pain felt good in a way he couldn't describe. 'So this is how it feels like, huh Mya?' It took a moment for the bleeding to stop. A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. He listened again to make sure he wasn't hearing things. It was softer the second time.

He moved to the door and looked through the peep hole. It was her in the flesh. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't hallucinating this time. He slowly opened the door.

"Hello Mya. What are you doing up at this hour?" He felt his heart in his throat as he looked at her frail face.

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Are you going to invite me in?"

He moved aside so she could enter. He closed the door behind her, not quite sure of why she was here. A part of him was happy, esctatic that she was back. The wounded part of him remained wary.

She turned around to look at him. Just by his appearance, she could tell that he felt as bad as she did during their time apart. She looked at his wrapped hand and gasped. "What did you do to your hand?"

He looked down and shrugged. "I broke a glass. No big deal. It's fine."

She took hold of his injured hand and unwrapped it. There were several shallow cuts on his palm. "You need to take care of this." She led him to the bedroom where she had him sit while she searched for bandages and antiseptic in the restroom.

He laughed to himself as she took care of his wound. 'Quite ironic if I do say so myself.' He winced a bit as she dabbed antiseptic on his cuts. She quickly wrapped his hand with some guaze.

"Does your hand feel better?" She stood up and sat beside him.

"You didn't have to do that, you know?" He looked away, feeling like he wanted to break down in front of her.

"I chose to." She put her hand on the side of his face so she could look at him and he could look at her. She moved closer to him and kissed his lips softly. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she felt him kiss her back.

He kissed her hungrily, wanting to feel her warmth again. He pulled her closer to him. He felt her hand on the back of his neck. He did the same, not wanting her to stop.

She pulled away from the kiss to catch her breath. "Dwayne I'm afraid," she whispered.

"You don't have to be Mya. Not with me," he whispered back, kissing her on the neck.

A soft moan escaped her lips. Even for one night, he wanted to get lost in her and she with him. 


End file.
